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Should I share my daughter with these people?

My daughter is 20 months old this month. And my fiance and I have talked about getting married. Well he told me that he don't want to get married unless she knows "both" sides of the family. I don't like them, they haven't shown me any respect or treated me like I was accepted. I love him and I will not stand around and let people ruin my daughter like they want. I know that it is a selfish act but when you take a lim and walk out on it to go to his families house for Christmas , his grandma calls your daughter to her, My daughter didn't go to her. So his grandma grabbed her and forced her to sit on her lap. I was so angry I was like let her go now! She don't want you to hold her. Jake(my fiance) looked at me like as if he were saying "you bitch". But I was mad as hell. So should I give them a chance if they are mean to her and force her against her will? I mean they aren't even nice to me? What do I do??? I am scared?

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sexxylilmama203

Asked by sexxylilmama203 at 10:36 PM on Oct. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (43 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • If you are already having this many issues with his family; i think i would do alot of Soul- Searching before you get married! Wishing you lots of luck!
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 10:42 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Oh mama I'm sorry you're going through this. I think you have every right to bear your "mom claws"... maybe in situations like that be a little gentler though, so not to embarass your fiancee'? For example I've had DH's family do things that make me cringe, but when they do that, I just talk to my daughter and make a statement that way... like if I were in your situation, I would have probably said loudly but pleasantly, "Oh that's ok honey, if you don't want to sit on Grandma's lap right now, you don't have to. You can do it when you're ready". That way you're reassuring your daughter that her feelings are OK and giving her a sense of independence while politely stating to Grandma that she is uncomfortable right now, don't make her do anything she doesn't want. I've even had to do it with my own dad. Whether you like it or not they are her family too and you can't keep her from them, unless they're being totally abusive.
    MamaLisa1976

    Answer by MamaLisa1976 at 10:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • My family grabs kids and cuddles them forcefully all the time lol. If she was mean about it, like, yelling and then not letting her get up very shortly after she grabbed her then that's wrong. But otherwise, it seems normal to me.

    It sounds lik eyou and these people got off on the wrong foot. Call a family meeting and see if you can start fresh. Say "I know we don't like each other as much as we would like to. I would like to try to start over. I'm sorry for any wrongs you guys feel I've done to you, and I forgive any wrongs I feel you have done to me. Let's start fresh" and then be nice as hell to them, and THEN if they don't return the favor... go from there.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 10:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • is it just you? or have the really done anything to hurt your daughter? maybe you're personal issues with his family is what's causing them to not want to see her. sounds like you have the problem. not your daughter. not trying to mean. i don't much care for my FIL, but i allow him around my ds because it's his right. unless he does something to physically hurt my son (other than grabbing him) i would let go of your issues and just let it be.

    and i'm not trying to be a bitch. but honestly it sounds like you're the one with the issues. not them. they aren't going to treat you nice if you come across as a jerk who wants nothing to do iwth them for no good reason.

    and you should have made your daughter say hello to her grandmother. that's respect. just saying.
    Hollea

    Answer by Hollea at 10:45 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Thank you...this is really helpful and I am so thankful that I can ask questions to other moms' who have been there and done that. Thank you!!!!!!!
    sexxylilmama203

    Comment by sexxylilmama203 (original poster) at 10:47 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Give them a chance, hon. Some people are naturally huggy type people. I dont think Grandma had any intentions of hurting your daughter. I know it's easy to feel defensive and protective in a new environment with people you dont know well. Try again, get to know them.
    duckigrrl

    Answer by duckigrrl at 10:52 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • Well...I have some issues with them. I will admit that. But i have good reason too. And it's his grandma. My daughters great grandma. And I let her go over there.What pissed me off is when my daughter was fighting to get away from her and she held her down. Thats not love. Thats going to scar my child. And I am not trying to be mean. I love the fact that she has 2 families. But what I don't like is the fact that everytime a holiday comes around my fiance only wants to spend it all with his family and not mine. I don't like his family because every time that we go near them. They always have to say something. It doesn't have to be something I have done. Like his sister whom is a whore and doesn't know how to keep her nose in her own business. Always has something to say. And I am tired of going around people that always cause arguments between Jake and I! So yes I am the one that has issues. I have given them chances & it's it
    sexxylilmama203

    Comment by sexxylilmama203 (original poster) at 10:54 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • ugh.. i just deleted my entire post.

    so here it goes again.

    you say the have something to say, you call her a whore just because? her having an opinion and stating it and being nosey doesn't make her a whore. it makes her a sister to a brother. if you have siblings.. that's what they do.
    of course he wants to go around his family. you want to go around yours don't you? make a deal. see both. don't fight. you let them get to you and it causes fights.
    you should take her to meet her great grandma.. which is still a grandma btw and should be shown the same amount of respect as she would show any grandma on your side.
    and i'm sure she didn't sit on top of you daughter to hold her down. she probably wasn't hurting her. you were upset so it probably looked worse from your side. if your fiance didn't see her getting her, she probably wasn't. you're biased. you don't like his family.

    again, not beinga bitch here.
    Hollea

    Answer by Hollea at 11:02 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • You may not like them, but they are her family too. Give them a chance. I don't particularly like my SO's family, but I would never keep our 2 year old from them.
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 11:02 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

  • And no it's not just me. I call his sister a whore because she is one. Seriously she can't keep neither pair of her lips closed for nothing. She always runs her mouth about me calling me a whore and questioning that my daughter isn't her brothers'. And she has no room to talk she has never been faithful to her husband. She has slept with over 12 guys since they have been married and not too mention she does drugs and is just not right. I don't like her, I use too. Her and i use to get along...And then Jake called his dad and told them that I was being a bitch and thats when she started her shit. All because I smacked him in the face. He had no right to call them and involve them in out battle. He touched me first anyways, But she said I was abusive. Hmm.Like she has any room to talk. She beat her husband so bad his family thought he was dead when they got to their house. She did it in front of their daughters'. So yeah....
    sexxylilmama203

    Comment by sexxylilmama203 (original poster) at 11:11 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

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