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2 Bumps

would u have said anything?

I havent seen my good friend in about 2 months although we live about 10 mins away. pressures of life, school and work, I guess, no biggie...so we hung out today and i noticed that she had gained a heck of a lot of weight. at least 20 pounds. She looked different from the last time i saw her. i wanted to ask her about it but i didnt. i didnt want to make her self conscious or anything...now thinking back, i feel like a good friend should have said something and i feel kinda bad now. I am a true friend and try to be honest and now i feel like i wasnt one. i feel really bad. would u have asked her about her weight?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Oct. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • well thats funny cuz me and my MFF live about 40min away and have not seen each other in about 10months or so...anyways we started txting and talking on the phone and she sends me a pic of her and a new puppy and wow i did not notice the puppy all i saw was her she got big so i asked her...."yo how much weight did you gain wow you look like your mom now" she cursed me out while laughting and told me to go to hell...lol we have been MFF for many many many years she is a sister to me so we say everything no hold backs at all...lol
    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 1:51 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I think she probably knows she's gained weight....I know when I do, and I appreciate it when people DON'T say anything. I know they can see it too.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:52 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • No, probably not..
    chocolatluver

    Answer by chocolatluver at 1:53 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • No, you did the right thing by not saying something. Believe me, she knows if she gained that much weight. To have said something was just going to make her feel bad about it, or worse about it if she already felt bad. And, after all, there's a difference between being honest with someone, and saying everything that you think without engaging a "filter" so to speak :-)

    Now, if she had asked you if she looked like she was putting on weight, you could have said something like, you know, it looks like you might have gained a little, but it's been so long since we got together, I was so caught up with catching up / visiting with you I hadn't really paid much attention...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:53 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • It sounds like you did the right thing. If it was something she wanted to discuss, she would have mentioned it somehow. If you're worried about being a good friend, the best you can do is just try to keep in contact. She may be going through a bout of depression which can cause weight gain, and a friend might help her get through it.
    tayanna2

    Answer by tayanna2 at 1:58 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • My best friend and I are blunt. We would have told the other one how big their butt was or whatever. We joke around like that. If you feel like you should have mentioned something out of concern, well, like the other mom said, I'm sure your friend knows she gained weight so it really doesn't matter if you mentioned it. Probably best you didn't if you guys aren't the playful type.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 2:01 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • i wouldnt have unless, she brought it up first.. she knows she has gained weight and you dont wanna hurt her feelings.
    VERONICAS_MOM

    Answer by VERONICAS_MOM at 2:38 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Nope, I would not have said anything. I do not base my level of being a good friend on how a person looks. Trust me OP, she KNOWS she has gained weight. The GOOD friend thing to do is listen to her, ask her how everything is going. How the heck do you know she is not having some sort of health problem or stress? Why not focus on whats in her heart rather than inches on her waist.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:53 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • You cannot seriously be suggesting that she's gained 20 completely noticable pounds and has totally failed to notice them?

    Why would you tell her? Because she's too dense to notice? Because she's too stupid to know what causes that? Because it will help her feel better about herself, to know she's being monitored in that way?

    What possible benefit could there be, to her or your relationship with her, or your view of yourself as a respectful person, to insult her and her intelligence in that way?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:34 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • a good friend wouldn't be so focused on their friend's weight... unless you are concerned about her emotional or physical health being the reason why, and unless she has shared anything about that with you, i wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole. i have a friend whose friends don't allow each other to talk about weight and my mother has a similar rule too. there is too much focus on women's appearance and how they "should" look in this world - certainly she has noticed. if you are that good of friends where you think it's even appropriate to bring this up to her, you might want to rethink how often you see her if she is only 10 min away - maybe you are just feeling guilty about not knowing why since you haven't been involved in her life. ?
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 6:24 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

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