Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I go back??

I have been with my husband for 5 yrs, married for about 2 and a half. I recently left him b/c I couldn't take it anymore. He was both physically and emotionally abusive. The last straw was when he recently choked me. All the other times he physically hurt me he was drunk, but the last time he did it he was sober. We always fought and was never really happy. A little over a month ago I took the kids and left and recently filed a protective order. Before the protective order was in place we had talked and he had told me that he changed. Here are some of the examples he gave me: he quit smoking, he lost weight, he goes to church now, he doesn't cuss, the house is spotless(this was a battle in itself b/c he NEVER helped me and always made it worse, even after I would spend an entire day cleaning). When I left I hooked up with a good friend of mine and felt SO happy, like I've NEVER felt before. Now, I'm starting to miss my hubby.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Oct. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • If he was physically and emotionally abusive sweetie I would not go back, no matter what the situation is, cause if he done it once he will do it again... I am speaking from experience, I know when you love someone and your emotions are in it, it's hard and your head thinks one thing and ur heart says another, just be strong momma!

    Answer by patsymay84 at 12:45 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • When you go back to him with in a month or two he will be back to his old self. And you will feel stupid for believing he changed. Been there done that.

    Answer by louise2 at 12:46 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I have seen this many times with my mom and her man. He gets vioent, she leaves, he changes, she comes back, things are good for a while, then he gets violent, she leaves, etc, etc.... It is a circle that keeps going around. Stay away from him. He has changed only to try to get you back and then he will be back to his old self in no time. Keep your kids away from him too.

    Answer by A.Perry at 12:48 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • my personal opinion is you do what you gotta do, i have gone thru it, went bk, left, went bk and heard the same things on how he changed and he never did, it would be good for the first month or so and than the butt head point would come bk out and so i decided to better myself and my children and left and made a better life for myself. You do what you think is best for yourself cause you are the only one who will no if it will ever work... good luck

    Answer by tjnorton at 12:56 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • It sounds like he's changed, but the physical abuse scares me. I'd give it some time before I made a decision on that. Go to church where he says he's attending. Get to know him as a friend. Take your time doing it. I believe people can change, but I also believe you need to see the change for yourself.

    Answer by duckigrrl at 12:56 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I think I would take some time before making the decision to go back. He may have changed - but it's only been a short period of time and abusers are pretty notorious for being good for a short period of time, then going right back to the way they were. Go on some dates, spend some time together, but don't commit until you are sure he's changed, and the changes are going to stick.

    Answer by Scuba at 12:59 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • be happy. you said you've never been happy with him. i seriously doubt he's changed permanently. old habits die hard. you've been through enough and so have your children.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:20 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • If he was physically and emotionally abusive,,,STAY AWAY!!!!

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 3:30 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Whether or not he claims to have "changed" he's going to be the same once you go back to him, he'll be the same person as when you left. I can't tell you how many divorced women have gone through the same thing you're going through right now. All of them will tell you to stay away and file for divorce, as well as custody of the kids.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 6:54 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • PLEASE PLEASE listen to someone who knows about abusive relationships. It NEVER gets better. They claim they changed, yes sure a few things have changed but the abusing comes right on back. The abuse only gets worse. I was in the same position as you but I was married to him but I was pregnant with his baby. I believed him. Less then a month after going back with him, he beat me so bad I lose my baby at 12 weeks. Don't let him trick you. Stay away from him.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:04 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.