Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

why doesnt my mother in law care about my kids?

really it's so hurtful and insulting. she has another grandkid by my husband's sister, and she is soo in love with her! granted, my sister in law's baby was her first grandbaby but that doesn't mean her other grandbabies don't deserve special grandma love, too. my mil literally lives 5 minutes from me and she's never over. i invite her over all the time to have dinner with us, go out to eat with us my treat, or to just come over and spend some time with us, and she ALWAYS has an excuse. my oldest is 4 so it's not a new thing. today, for example, she OFFERED to watch our 8 month old so we could go to a graduation party for about 3 hours, during the day not at night, and then she bailed and said she had to help a friend. which is fine but i don't believe her story is plausible because she does this shit alot. i dont know what to do, my kids deserve better. :(


Asked by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Oct. 2, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • As a grandma myself all I can say is "shame on her".

    Answer by Carolannie at 2:25 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Try to talk to her in a nonacusatory way.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 2:24 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Your kids do deserve better. I am so sorry that this is the situation. I would be on cloud 9 if I lived 5 minutes from my grandchildren! You deserve a medal for continuing to invite her places. (I would keep that up, but do a little less of it, if I were you)

    Would your DH be comfortable talking to her about it? Make it about seeing the kids and how much fun they could have with her (if that's true!). She is missing out on so much. Best wishes. I hope things change for the better.

    Answer by elizabr at 2:29 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I had this problem it was my own mother and she used every excuse and later we would find out she was with my brothers kids. I just stopped chasing her and it makes my sons who are 17 and 20 they no longer expect. You need to sit her down and invite her over if she comes okay if she does not sit her down and ask her what the problem is and tell her that your children need grandma time as well. Be prepared for it to come to a head. I was honest with my mom and it changed nothing but I wish you luck.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:35 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I say stop your effort. If she loves them she'll come around. If not, they sure deserve better than a grandma who is there for them because she didn't have anything better to do.

    Answer by mygirlpaige at 2:26 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I feel ya. My kids don't even know they have another set of grandparents (my inlaws) because they told us from the beginning (well mil did) that she had enough grandchildren, she didn't want ours too. (She has two grandsons from one sil, one from another, and my two step kids...she just wants nothing to do with my three, almost four, kids)

    Answer by fallnangel93 at 2:34 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I almost could have written this myself. My mil keeps dh's sisters kid for weeks at a time. The last time she was supposed to watch our kids about 2 years ago she bailed at the last min. (Because she had to watch her other grand) We do live 45 min away but when she comes to our town she won't call until she has gotten back home to let us know she was in town. When we go to visit her she is so into her tv she cranks up the volume so she can hear over them. At this point I have stopped caring whether my kids want to visit her or not.

    Answer by treynlisa at 2:49 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I know how you feel. I'm nearly in the exact situation except my MIL is all talk and no game. New photos up on facebook of my daughter? "Grandma loves her baby!!" Oh really? I couldn't tell, you drive past our house every day on the way to your sister's house but you never stop by to actually see her. But this is her first grandchild so I'm at even more of a loss as to why she's so distant - well, except that I pried her son out from under her thumb and liberated him so he could live life without her telling him what to do every day. But I'd chalk my MIL's absents to being just plain lazy. Personally, I don't dwell on it because she smokes like a chimney and has a horrible personality so I figure the less my daughter is around her, the better.

    Answer by Cenchan at 3:08 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. She may not realize how its coming across.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 3:29 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • your kids do deserve better, with my mil when she gets upset with me or my husband she will ignore him n take it out on him as well. she found out i wasw taking my son to see my mom n she got upset n ignored him for 1 week.some mil just dont deserv e to have grandkids. so wat i do is try n keep him away from her i dont want some1 in his life that dont want him and gonna hurt him, she had her chance and blew it, n thats only a small fraction of the problem with my mil.

    Answer by Snavarro08 at 4:21 PM on Oct. 2, 2010