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2 Bumps

How do I get my step-son to accept me???

Ok if anyone has any advise I would greatly appreciate it!! My fiance and I have been together for almost 5 years, the problem is that I have 2 children and he has 1 son. His son and I do not get alone. He is 12 years old and lives with us now!! We are constantly having a battle of the wills. I don't know if it's because I expect too much out of him or what. My son is 9 years old and gets perfect grades, plays soccer like a pro and is all around a good kid. My other son is only 7 and the baby. He is so lovable, plays football and gets good grades for a kid with learning disabilities. He us by no means slow just has a hard time with reading and comprehension when he reads , but gets good grades reguardless. My step-son(to be) does not get good grades, does not want to play sports, and constantly disrespects me by not doing ANYTHING that he is asked. I try and be patient with him , but it seems that he is constantly messing up!

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FIREMOMMY1978

Asked by FIREMOMMY1978 at 10:43 PM on Oct. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (50 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I think you need to accept that he is different than your children. He probably feels like he is getting compared to your children and is feeling like he's the odd one out. I know with my mom's bf when I was younger I hated him and it was my mission to make his life a living hell! He always made me feel like he was trying to take over and be my dad, and I didn't want him to be. I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him. He will be in your life forever now, and I'm not trying to sound mean but you need to stop looking at him as the 'bad' kid and your kids are "better". He's going to feel that b/c by what you wrote I can tell. Good luck!
    Trishy7

    Answer by Trishy7 at 10:53 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • You gave glowing reports of YOUR two children...where is the step son's glowing report? There has to be SOMETHING about the kid that you like! I think you need to accept him for who he is. It doesn't sound like you do. It sounds like you want him to be a carbon-copy of your two "perfect" sons. And no doubt your step son has picked up on this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I dont' really know what to say about him. I have tried to get him to do anything!! He just wants to watch TV and stay in his room. Grades are not the best. He doesnt like to do much of anything. What do I do???? I kno he is different than my sons. He is so focused on pitting us against ech other, that he spends most of his time coming up with things to make us fight. I can not get him to tell me the truth to save my life!! He will do something right in front of me and another adult and then lie right to his dad's fae and say he didn't do it!! Even if everyone saw it!! He can cry like a hollywood Oscar winner and then turn it right back off!! I don't know how to compete with that. His dad is getting really stressed out too about the whole situation. He wants to believe his son but can't!!
    FIREMOMMY1978

    Comment by FIREMOMMY1978 (original poster) at 11:13 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Have you ever tried just doing something fun with him? Maybe just to break the ice? Just you 2 and just have a heart to heart maybe there is something going on in his head you don't know about. Or maybe he's just a "bad kid" and you will have to learn to accept it :-/ It's kind of a package deal when you dated his dad sorry to say. Or ever try to make talk to him about moving back in with his mom?
    Trishy7

    Answer by Trishy7 at 11:22 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I have tried so many times. Going to the barn and messing with the horses, the store, out to eat. I feel like he refused to let me in!!
    FIREMOMMY1978

    Comment by FIREMOMMY1978 (original poster) at 11:36 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • YOU HAVE TO JUST KEEP TRYING BECAUSE WHEN I MARRIED MY HUSBAND HE HAD A SON AND WE DID NOT GET ALONG AT FIRST BUT THEN I JUST KEPT TRYING TO TALK TO HIM AND THEN JUST ONE TIME WE AND MY STEP SON HAD A BIG FIGHT AND TOLD HIM THAT I WAS NOT GOING AMY WHERE AND IF HE DID NOT LIKE IT TO BAD I AM HERE TO STAY AND HE FINALLY SEEN IT FOR HIM SELF AND HE JUST STARTED TO ACCEPT ME AND ONCE HE DID WE HAD THE BEST TIMES EVER. I MISS HIM NOW HE HAS PASSED AWAY.
    sadmom14

    Answer by sadmom14 at 12:10 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • It doesn't sound like he doing it to you personally. I believe it's more of a means to get in between you and your fiance. All three of you need to sit down and talk about how you feel about each other. What happened to his mother? He might also be jealous of your two boys because they get good grades and he doesn't. It could be that school is harder for him than you think. Try and find out what he likes to do and go and do something with him occasionally, this would help your relationship with him if you do something that he likes.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:30 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • well first off ur not competing with him
    Paigesmommy78

    Answer by Paigesmommy78 at 12:31 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

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