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2 Bumps

My Husband cheated and I am a mess

My husband cheated and i cant stop having really bad mood swings I try to be nice but I cant forget. He still goes out he tells me that he is with his friends. I sometimes call him on his cell and he will not pick up the phone. I dont trust him. I love him to death but i am so tired of crying myself to sleep. What should I do we have to kids togeather.

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Asked by picosa at 11:08 PM on Oct. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I have a friend who just went through this. She prepared for the worst, started separating assets and stuff. Then she told him she needs to be able to trust him and they can't have a marriage without it. They used counseling and faith to help with their decision.
    Good luck.

    Answer by tortkey at 11:11 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me. There are few men in the world who can cheat and stop. You have children with him yes but do you want your boys to think this is ok to do this to women? Or girls to think this kind of behavior is OK? And yeah you have kids but they will grow up and move on one day, have family's of there own. You have to do things now to keep YOUR future safe and happy, and a cheetin man is not part of that recipe.

    Answer by orion52 at 11:15 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • For you to be able to move on with him he has to win your trust back. He can't do this by going out......even if it is just with friends. His life needs to be an open book to you. Honestly, it doesn't really seem like he is sorry, he keeps putting you in the position to question him. Will he consider going to marriage counseling? If not then maybe you should go by yourself. I know that you love him but do you really want to live your life like this? You deserve better than that.

    Answer by colethky at 11:16 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • sweetie... just cause you have kids doesn't mean you have to stay with a cheater!! i was cheated on as well.. i had a 2.5 yr old at the time and pregnant with our 2nd!! i did what was really really hard to do..but i packed up and left!! yes it was hard but i made up my mind that i couldn't be with him knowing what he did!! do whats best for you and your kids... if hes doing it now.. he probably wont stop.. good luck!!

    Answer by proudmommy690 at 11:31 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • I think you should ask him to go with you to a marriage counselor. He needs to understand the behaviors that have to change for you to trust him again. Even if you love him now, if you can't trust him, how long will you love him? He may need to stop going out until you both get past this. Is he willing to do this? The answer to that question will tell you alot about the true state of your marriage.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 11:32 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • Start your over with out him... Once a cheater always a cheater...sorry I just wouldn't trust again once they hurt me. GL to u & the kids.

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 11:34 PM on Oct. 2, 2010

  • What is your gut telling you? Also, don't cry yourself to sleep. I know it's hard to accept what he's done. The fact that he doesn't answer his cellphone would definitely tell me something. You and your kids don't need this. I would think it's time to move on, it sounds like he is avoiding you. Have you got anywhere else to go?

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:08 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • sorry you're going through this. if this was me, i would have been gone with my kids the second i found out he was cheating, no ifs, ands or butts, and my dh knows it! he would have to work extra extra hard just earn my trust back at all, and not answering his phone is not working hard at all to earn back my trust back, that's just making it worse for him. but then again i wouldn't be wasting my time bothering him on his cell phone.

    Answer by shoot4thestars at 12:30 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • In order to earn your trust, he's going to have to stop going out, even if it is just with his friends. I don't believe 'once a cheater always a cheater,' but he has to really want to stop. I have just gone through the same thing with my husband, and we are still together, but he doesn't go out without me at all right now, other than to work. He is showing me through many ways he's willing to give up his freedom to prove to me he's done and that he want's to earn my trust back. You need to sit down and have a talk with your husband, and tell him you need him to prove to you he's done, and this is the way he needs to do that. Go to marriage counseling. If he is not willing to do anything, I would think he's just going to do it again. I'm all for saving a marriage, but if he's doesn't want to work on something like this, there's not much you can do.

    Answer by montanagal2005 at 1:54 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • If you can't trust him and he's not willing to work on the marriage and issues (which he doesn't seem to be if he's going out with friends constantly and ignoring your calls), then start getting your ducks in a row and go to a lawyer. You should never stand for being treated that way.

    Answer by rio_burb at 2:44 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

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