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How do I discipline an out of control 9 year old?

My daughter has no respect for adults, she back talks to her teachers and me and my fiance, she has anger management issues. We have her in therapy and I'm not sure it's working. The other day she wanted to walk home from school and they told her she could not walk home without a note from me and she got so angry. (on a scale of 1 to 10 it was a 20) When my fiance picked her up from school she said she wanted to kill everyone in the school. I'm afraid she going to be in jail by the time she's a teen. She gets angry if she doesn't get what she wants and when she gets angry she takes off from our house. The only way to keep her from leaving is to physically restrain her. I don't know what to do with her. Anyone have any ideas?


Asked by mom23girls541 at 12:32 AM on Oct. 3, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 13 (952 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Not knowing more of the background, I can only speculate on what you wrote, but from that I see this girl as being a spoiled brat that has always gotten her way (maybe it was easier to give in and not deal with the fit you knew she would throw?) Anyway, she HAS to learn this NOW or you ARE RIGHT - she will end up in jail as a teen. I have 3 dd myself and I have been (to a degree) at this point also, so I am not going to tell you anything I wouldn't do or more likely haven't already done myself, ok? Your dd MUST learn that YOU are the one in control. If she doesn't learn this, she will never ever respect any other adult. To do this, you have to be the one who says what she can do, when, where, how and with who. Sending her to a boot camp will help, but I think that parents should do this job themselves - not tossing their kids off to someone else. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I had to remove EVERYTHING from CONT'D

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:01 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Yeah I would definitely look into getting her into a better, more intense, anger management program. Was there ever an event in her life that caused her to start acting out? The saying she's going to kill everyone in school is also something I would not over look. Sometimes kids say things when they are mad, but these days, you have to take every comment like that seriously because school shootings are on the rise. I know a few people that have sent their preteens and teens to a reform or military school and have had great success. That may also be an option, or threat you can use. Good luck.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 12:37 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Therapy is a good idea but maybe also consider getting her evaluated for something else? I'm having some similar issues with my 12 year old. We have an appt. at the end of the month with a psychiatrist. I just want to know if there is more going on or not. I hope things work out for you!

    Answer by mochamomof3 at 12:45 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • my oldest DD's room. She had to earn it all back. At one point, she had only 3 changes of clothes, a brush and toothbrush. Everything else was taken. My opinion is that at that age, if they want to act like this....and if they were a teen doing it, they CAN go to jail and that is what jail is like. I am happy to say that I have 3 great kids who really never need discipline because from the oldest on down to the youngest, they all realized I was indeed the boss and that there was a new sheriff in town! They are kind and considerate and thoughtful. A true joy now.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 3:06 AM on Oct. 3, 2010