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12 Bumps

After 15 years, I dont think it'll ever happen

My husb & I have been together for 15 yrs. I have 2 boys from a previous relationship. He has a dau. (& now we have 1 child together) I dont feel like we've really meshed as a family. He cant seem to see the positives in my 2nd son at all. He rarely has anything good to say about him, but plenty of negatives. It's the one major thing thats putting a strain on our marriage. Im not talking a "divorce" strain, but an issue that needs alot of improving. Any suggestions?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:54 AM on Oct. 3, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • yep.... family counsiling
    Airforce3mom

    Answer by Airforce3mom at 7:55 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Sorry, pressed wrong button... anyway.. this would be the time in those family counsiling sessons that the boys all talk about how they get treated by him.. Your dh will need to also express himself on why is chooses to act this way towards your kids.. There is something that is really triggering this selfishness on your dh... Good luck momma...
    Airforce3mom

    Answer by Airforce3mom at 7:58 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • After 15 years the boys should be or nearly adults. You might want them to age out of this one. As long as it's no abuse it should be fine. They don't have to be best friends with their stepdad.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 8:00 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Step familys often don't, it can't be forced. People feel how they feel. Just because you and DH fell in love, doesn't mean your kids have to like each other or the new step-parents. My step family actually didn't get close until the step kids moved out on their own and it was just my kids left. After that we all got a lot closer as a family without that tension around anymore..
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:57 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • How old are the boys? After 15 years together they should be either teens or out on their own. Teens are dificult on their own. Do you and your DH get along when you are by yourselfs?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:01 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Have a serious conversation with your husband. You son may see him as a role model and he may have psychological issues when he grows up. It is important that they have mutual respect for eachother. They do not necessarily have to LOVE eachother...it is rare when a stepdad loves his stepchildren like their own.

    Respect is the key.
    Ahealthyskin

    Answer by Ahealthyskin at 11:17 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • family counseling. Have you talk to him and told him how much it affects you that he talks trash about your guys sons? It's he sons too. He married all 3 of you, not just you.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:21 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Family counseling is probably the best thing for all of you.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:46 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • I would agree with the counseling or at least a sincere one-on-one. He married you and should have accepted your children as his own long ago. Maybe there is a reason he is hard on your son (wanting him to grow into a responsible, mature adult, etc.) , but if it is to the extreme, then he needs to have someone tell him that the way he is treating your son is inappropriate. Having someone tell you on a daily basis that you can never do anything right can have a negative effect on your self esteem. It's not ok that he treats your son this way and I would not tolerate it in my home.
    Desi_Momof4

    Answer by Desi_Momof4 at 10:01 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • I agree with family counseling.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 7:04 PM on Oct. 3, 2010