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Is my bf's kid's mom coming over too much?

The kids come over on the weekends. I don't have any problem with the mom at all. We are always nice to each other. But she stops by once or twice on the weekends. She doesn't live that close. So it's not like it's very convenient. Is she just bored? I'm not a mom yet (will be in a couple months) so I don't really understand. Does she not trust that we are taking good care of them or does she just want to see them?

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Asked by Kelli1012 at 1:38 PM on Oct. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,591 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • This is just my opinion.

    I think she is. She needs to back off some. Let he know that her showing up all the time is not acceptable. Also let her know that if something happened she would be one of the first people to know.

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 1:40 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • I think most mom's don't really know what to do with themselves when their children are away. It is weird that she comes over so often but the only people who can say she comes over too much is you and your boyfriend. Its great though (in my opinion) that the child can see you all getting along and wont have to grow up with negative comments.

    Answer by seturkey at 1:48 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Personally, I can appreciate the stress it will have on you, but let it be about the kids. The best advice I ever got from my MIL was that if I split from my DH, to let him come over as much as he wanted. He would probably end up bored and bailing out. And if that happened, the kids would see him for as he is, and not because I prevented them from seeing him.

    Talk to her about her fears and motivations. I am sure she is nervous about the situation at some level. And she misses them too. I know whenever my kids were away at grandma's, my heart ached, and I cried every time they were gone. The more open you are with her and her visits, the more she will relax over time. She will ALWAYS be a part of your family, like it or not. So invite her to share in your fledgling family. Maybe invite her to a BBQ, or a family bowling night.

    It will be hard for her to think of you as the enemy if you are also her friend.

    Answer by WyndenSkie at 1:51 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • You might be right on what you are thinking but for some reason I wouldn't want to be be to close with her unless you know her very well. I'd say about 12 yrs. ago I was in your shoes I wanted to like his ex and maybe be friends but I did not like the he'll she would put MY dh through that made me not like anymore so I started to just keep my distance and was just nice to her a simple hi and bye was fine with me. But you have already let her in your home and I never did so it is up to you how you would want to handle this but the moment she makes you feel uneasy about anything then you can just start meeting her outside to get the kids and she can go her merry way or let your dh handle her. GL Everyone is different you will know when it doesn't just feel right.

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 1:53 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • well it depends...she may be just a bit snoopy and want to know if your taking care of them as good as her expectations are. on the other hand...if your inviting and nice to her, she may be looking for a companionship and a friend. i was this way to my nieghbor's, i was always looking for friends, someone that seemed to not mind that i can walk over to thier house and just say hi and hoped i wasnt too much of a burden. but i would watch out for her if she's trying to be nice just to be snoopy.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 1:55 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • She may be bored without the kids being there in the house or she may want to help you with your pregnancy.

    Answer by ProudMommie83 at 7:26 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

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