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I need serious help!

I just discovered that my 14 y/o developmentally delayed son has been looking at very inappropriate web sites. When his dad asked him why he said "I don't know." Also I found inappropriate writings in his room. I am afraid this is bordering on obsession. Help please!


Asked by Anonymous at 5:33 AM on Oct. 24, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I do agree that all children at that age are interested in the opposite sex. And there is really nothing wrong with that if u and/or your husband can talk to him about it. But from u saying he is more like 10yrs old , maybe cognitively he's 10 but his body(hormones) are still that of a 14 yr. old. I would find a family counsel and explain the situation. They Could probably talk to him and then help you to come up with a plan on how to deal with the situation. Good Luck, I'm sure things will be fine.

    Answer by mamacindy7 at 12:06 AM on Oct. 26, 2008

  • thats normal for ANY 14 year old boy. just let him know they are inappropriate and are not for children.

    Don't punish him, or put him on the spot and make him feel awkward, that will only make him not trust you or feel funny around you. Also, don't make him feel as though he is abnormal, because that subject is not abnormal for ANY teenager.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • Take away the internet priveledge, clean up the computer and put it off or away, where he can't get it. Not so much to punish but to protect. I don't think he will have the discipline to stay away from the stuff without help. Unfortunately, he now has images in his head that have to be dealt with appropriately. Teens honestly don't know why they do what they do so I would accept that from him. The question he needs to answer is "Why don't we do what you did?" and I think Dad needs to be involved with that from now until he leaves the home. Get help from a counselor too and followup with the internet issue at school (make sure they have filters and monitor his use. you don't have to tell all but if you do, they won't be shocked). Address your concern about obsession with the above stradegies. You will know if he is obsessed if he can't handle the cold turkey method. The sooner you have professional help, the better.

    Answer by manna1qd at 6:41 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I'm on the same page. My son has put suidal thoughts on his myspace account and I'm now looking to becoming his friend on all his accounts, removing the cable connectors when I'm not home and looking into whatever filters I may need. I'm also looking into getting him a counselor, and going to his highschool in the morning. Already been to the Big Brother/Big Sister organization and got him a Big Brother.

    Answer by Ewadun at 7:26 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • First I think that suicidal thoughts and looking at naked girls are very different. If my child was talking about suicide then I would definitely be looking at everything I could do to help them.

    If my son was looking at naked girls, even at 14 I would not punish him. It is normal for kids to be curious and if they here it from other kids then they are going to want to know what the big deal is.

    I would talk to him about what is appropriate and what is not. I agree with anonymous. I know that when my brother was 16 he get a Play Boy, my mother let him keep it and she even looked at with him. Now he is a successful accountant in NJ

    I am not sure what your son is looking at and I hope that my story lets you know that it is not the end of the world and that he should be okay.
    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:39 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I understand your concern but I think that cornflakegirl3 is on the right track. I think it is a natural curiosity. And that curiosity can come at younger ages than 14. I like the story about her 16 yr old brother and their mother. I think looking at a Play Boy, which is, in my opinion a better class of porn then the garbage on the internet. A discussion that should occur is what your family feels is appropriate. He probably already has the feeling that what he did is wrong, now explain why.

    Answer by Meerkatie at 11:57 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • Every teenage boy is going to look at porn. You or his father need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about sex and protection. Many kids are already having sex at that age. Allow him to be open and honest about his feelings and questions that he may have otherwise you will be having alot more issues.

    Answer by at 8:09 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • Thanks for all the input everyone, I know it is considered natural curiousity for a TEENAGER to want to look at that garbage, but as I said he is dd. Most people don't believe that he will be 15 in Dec. They think he is only 9 or 10. He is socially akward as well as small for his age. We talk til we are blue in the face and he honestly doesn't remember from one day to the next what we have said. So let me rephrase the question. Assume he is 10, and we have had the talks that are appropriate for that age. Now what?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • Even assuming he's a 10 year old, I would think that he heard about it from older kids and been curious. The 'I don't know' response in my experience is pretty standard for being embarrassed by being caught at something they knew was not really acceptable behavior.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 7:18 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • we put webwatcher on our son's computer and it was the best one hundred bucks I ever spent. It shows me every single email, records keystrokes so I have every password to every myspace account and he cannot detect it. It kind of puts us at an advantage of knowing whats really going on with his friends because at this age he doesn't like to open up. It loaded in under a minute and its very easy to use and I can monitor him from any computer anywhere as it goes through a website. LOVE IT.

    Answer by rltyaddict at 12:05 AM on Oct. 28, 2008