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4 Bumps

Should I leave my husband?

We have been together for a very long time about 20 years. Since I was 15 to be exact. I am not sure if i am unhappy with him or just my whole situation in general. But, i was gone out of the country and had a taste of freedom. Since coming back, i feel so trapped with being a wife and motherhood. I love my children, please dont get me wrong. I will still care for my children. Actually, they are getting pretty old. Once is 17 and the other other is 13. So, they really dont need my as much anymore. My husband is always busy doing other things like his part time business, his job and taking kids to practice. By the time, I get him hes asleep. I am doing my part in being understanding but I just dont know what the point of being with a person is if your not going to be with them.

I am considering having an affair but dont want all the drama attached and i also dont want to hurt my husband. What should I do? bored

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Oct. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Before doing something extreme if you really are interested in attempting to rekindle your marriage then maybe marriage counseling and personal counseling would be a good option. Not to mention really sitting down and communicating with your husband about your feelings of neglect and lack of excitement. It sounds like your feeling almost like you lost your spark, your unhappiness might be able to be attended to in other ways then an extreme decision. Think about all the pros and cons first. Good Luck.
    AugustMidge

    Answer by AugustMidge at 10:03 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • i have tried both. he is very hard to communicate with. its always ends up that i am the crazy one and there is not real problem. He always ends the conversation with blaming me for things that have happened in the past. I have tried to get him to go to councling and he refuses. He is a beliver in not sharing your problems with anyone else. I guess i can try and ask him about the councling thing and she what he says.

    thank you.
    confused2634

    Answer by confused2634 at 10:08 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • If you to go and cheat and least do your husband a favor and ask for a divorce. How would you feel if he had an affair on you? Before you do think about it if you were in his shoes and you found out he had the affair instead of bother to work on your guys relationship. It's just wrong. It's either you love him or you don't. Try counseling and if that doesnt work just divorce before you lie to him and your children about who you really are
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:10 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • i think it is time talk with your hubby we all have feeling like these and your not the first, sit down write out what you really want out of your marriage ,what do you want for your kids yes they are older but they still need their mom , ask him to do the same and exchange your finds you will be amazed in what you find , and marriage is not to be perfect we make mistake but we learn and grow from them that life ,but to go out and start affair once you start the pain is not only your hubby you will hurt but your kids ,plus your self , and you stronger then you think,31yrs ago i though the same way you did but i first had to find who i was before i could be good to my family we all need a little help yes i thought affair was the answers to all my prayers but not ,my kids came first then my marriage i had to make it work and yes it has i love him more then ever you can get there to and good luck
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 10:19 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Why don't you guys travel somewhere together? Let him know how you are feeling and if he doesn't think the marriage is worth taking some time to spend one-on-one with you doing something you enjoyed so much, then yeah, consider divorce...But I think you would both be surprised how a spontaneous action might light a fire in a relationship. Even if it isn't a "trip" just something you two can do together that you never would've imagined before...
    stringtheory

    Answer by stringtheory at 10:22 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • If he is not abusive, not an alcohoic , earns a living and still loves you, you ARE FORTUNATE!!! You need to appreciate him! Do you knw how rare it is to have a husband who is good to you?
    Try Marriage Encounter . Or Counseling. Anything to revive your marriage.
    If you are BORED....that is just lame. Bored? Ha.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 10:36 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • get your hubby to go on vacations with you and tell him you dont feel important to him and he needs to spend more time with you
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:58 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • The reasons you mentioned are the reasons I left my first husband. I had married him fairly young (hadn't really left my hometown much before marrying him). I always felt like I was missing something. I felt smothered and bored and I even traveled to another country (like you). That really accelerated the feeling of wanting freedom. I left him and for a year and a half felt totally and completely happy. My downfall was my ticking clock (which you don't have) and a broken idea of what "love" is (you need to double check this part before doing anything rash). I fell for an abusive man. The short of it is... you only live once. If he's a good man, try some counseling and maybe even a separation. That might wake him up enough to put in the effort to keep you. If it doesn't work... go find life!
    inthepit

    Answer by inthepit at 11:52 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • you are considering an affair?! how about considering COUNSELING? and reconnecting with the man you married?!
    stressedmomma13

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 1:15 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I'm not trying to be offensive here, so please don't think that. I ask myself these questions sometimes. How would it make you feel if he cheated on you? How would you feel if he left you because you weren't exciting enough for him? You've been married for 20 years that's a long time, don't give up without one heck of a fight. I'm sure you guys have gotten pretty comfortable with each other, try to spice things up. Try having the kids be gone for a night and when he comes home answer the door in your birthday suit. Be creative, have fun with him and only him please
    DawnDietz777

    Answer by DawnDietz777 at 1:18 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

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