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What do you do when your 9th gader won't help out in the house or yard?

Even though my husband has asked our son to help us out in the house! Our son won't help us out in the house! And even since i got injured on the job last month and i was told not to lift anything! My son still didn't even offer to help out in the house! The only things that he has told us that he helps in the house is by! re aranging the furniture and straigtning the counter! And picking up his clothes when he gets around to it! And my husband and i are trying to get him to help out in the house! I have been telling my husband since our son was in jr. high to give our son chores so that he could earn his allowance! But my husband doesn't want to do that! Instead! He wants to give our son allowance only if our sons behavoir is good!

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iamjenny1957

Asked by iamjenny1957 at 11:33 AM on Oct. 24, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • Okay.. here is what you do... You remove his bedroom door... Now, he has no privacy!! He is under your roof... you are supporting his butt... Now, take away any chance he has of privacy, because he has to earn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 11:36 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • there needs to be bigger consequences. Like taking away the cell phone, tv, or social life. He needs to help out even a little. Like trash, lawn, dishes. You two need to sit him down and tell him that these chores are not an option but a must.
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 11:36 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • For my son's if they won't help around the house I take away what's most important to them. For one son it's his car keys or cell phone and the other it's his XBox or cell phone. You'd be amazed at how fast they cooppurtate when they're inconvienced!
    Good Luck
    happy2bme7

    Answer by happy2bme7 at 11:36 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I also agree with pupmom!! That will really piss him off and hell get it quick! I dont care what parents say about kids privacy. It should not exist!
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 11:37 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • Just remeber too that this behavior is completely normal for his age. You just have to do the best you can not to lose your authority as a parent :)
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 11:40 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I am with you on the allowance for chores idea. Make a list of chores with an appropriate amount of money earned for each. Chores done in a weeks time earn that amount total every Saturday.
    I had friends with 3 teenagers in their home and they had to use several methods to get them to help. My favorite was the above list and my other favorite was that anything left around the house tha was the childs that Mom found lying around got picked up put in a box and then the child had to pay to get it back. If the child put it away, no problems. Shoes not put away were $0 .50 a shoe to get back. If they did chores it was totaled up and then they could retrieve their belongs from the box was a minus from the allowance. After a while all their stuff got picked up and they were doing chores for spending money. After all, we as adults have to work for our spending money.
    Meerkatie

    Answer by Meerkatie at 11:46 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • Yes, his behavior is totally normal. I was very defiant when I was in high school. Unfortunately, my parents didn't punish me, we just bitched back and forth until I cried and did whatever it was they wanted me to do. I DO NOT think that is an effective way to get your kids to listen to you. I agree with what the previous posters said...take away something very near and dear to him. Don't let him to go football games or other sporting events. Don't let him do extracurricular activities. Don't let him go out on the weekend. Take away his TV or his cell phone or his gaming console. He needs to know that there will be consequences if he doesn't do what he's told.
    caitxrawks

    Answer by caitxrawks at 11:46 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • You do most of the work when it comes to raising that child..one I would put my foot down with hubby and tell him he can't give his kid money just for good behavior and he can't yell at his son if he doesn't do crap around the house..so today your taking over on this one. You go up to your son and you look him square in the eyes and say..Boy, I've had it..you don't want to help around here..ok then I am not going to help you. Your bedroom door is coming down, hand me the cell phone, O and your friends..you have no friends right now..O you want to go somewhere..really..then get the chores done!!! Ok with said..just walk away..once he sees you mean business he will work on it and get things done..afterwards you can say O all that meant something to you all of a sudden? We could have avoided this if you had just helped in the first place. Give him back his stuff and let him know he either helps or he loses everytime!!
    stayhomemom22

    Answer by stayhomemom22 at 11:51 AM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I have 5 children! Been there done that already with 2 adults girl's. I have a 16 year old son. When he does not follow through with his chores.....I give him a REMINDER...if that fails, I give him ONE WARNING! If that fails I ANNOUCE: "Do not ask to go anywhere this weekend because you had not followed up with your chores" I REMIND him that (OUTSIDE activities) IS NOT a necessity it is EARNED! If it is not EARNED then he has no activities!
    MamaGuru

    Answer by MamaGuru at 12:16 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • What's done is done, but allowance with out haveing to work for it was a bad idea.

    he seems to think he gets what he wants anyway, so why work for it. Take away the allowance unless he starts to work around the house.
    kittynala

    Answer by kittynala at 12:21 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

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