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5 Bumps

What should I do if sex doesn't do anything for me anymore? adult content

I always had issues with feeling pain after sexual intercourse and I have trouble getting turned on a lot of the times. My partner wants it every single day and between taking care of our son, going to classes, and work, I am exhausted and it feels more like a duty and a job than plesure. Plus, he always wants me to be on top and that hurts even more for me and I inform him of that. I lie and I say I always cum but truth is I never do, I never feel aroused and I don't know what is wrong with me. I have had problems feeling aroused because I got raped two times in my life and I never talked to anyone about it to cope with it. What should I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Oct. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Interesting that your partner doesn't want to give it to you... if your partner was doing something delightful and pleasurable to YOU, this wouldn't be a problem, yes...

    I suspect you have problems because you haven't the first idea what pleases you. Try working it out on your own, so you have any way of transmitting the information to the dude involved.

    If you want to please him, feel free to indicate that alone: love to please you, this doesn't do it for me, please buy me flowers/do the dishes/take the garbage out...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:38 PM on Oct. 3, 2010

  • Youre a busy girl. Obvi. the last thing on your mind is sex. SLEEP is more like it! Tell your partner how you feel. If he loves you hed understand..
    ashleyxo8

    Answer by ashleyxo8 at 12:04 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • First of all maybe you should see a therapist to work out issues with being raped. Tell your partner that you're just not getting anything out of sex and maybe you can experiment and see what you like and don't like. Try to make it a fun adventure. But I think if you can work on some emotional issues you will feel better overall.
    twinmama2five

    Answer by twinmama2five at 12:09 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • i first go to see a doctor and tell them you have pain while having sex talk about your rapes he needs to hear all of it so does your other half and with work ,child and keeping up with house work there is'nt enough time for you.,make him help out around the house , look after the child or ask make supper .oh kay to tell him that and how you want sex ,i do if my hubby hurts me i tell him if not up to my cum well we move on try again other time and yes okay to say no i don't want it to night i just want to sleep, buy sex book there differents ways to have sex other then you being on top .
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 12:29 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • First of all... I'm very sorry that you've been through so much in your life. (((HUGS))) I don't believe that you'll be able to get a lot out of sex until you work through your feelings about the rape. It's like a ghost in your bedroom. Don't let this man who took so much from you, take this from you too. Get some help. I think sex is probably secondary to what all else is probably going on in your subconscious. Take some time for yourself and maybe talk to a rape crisis counselor. They should be able to point you in the right direction and ALSO let you know if what you're feeling is normal and maybe how to work through them. Good luck and be good to yourself, mama.
    shellakers

    Answer by shellakers at 12:34 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I would definitely see a therapist first. Second I would explain to him how you feel. And don't lie about your orgasms. Once you do get back into the swing of things, you don't want him to think he's doing something right when he isn't. You may never enjoy sex again that way. Good luck with everything!
    Kelli1012

    Answer by Kelli1012 at 12:58 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Honestly, I'd sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him AGAIN what positions hurt you. Also tell him that you have libido issues and can't just have sex on a whim. You have a lot on your mind and you're stressed.

    I had a similar stress/libido situation, but my husband was understanding. It hurt him to know that I didn't want sex as much as I used to, but he was able to understand why. I changed some things with my situation (we were living with my mother for two years) and realize that a lot of the things I was stressing about were things I had no control over. Once I realized that (and we moved), things got better.

    Have you tried using lubricant for sex? As for the pain, I would also try and get in to see your OB. There may be something really serious going on and you need a doctor to examine you.

    Good luck!
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 9:42 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

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