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5 Bumps

Am I stupid?

As you know I was leaving an abusive relationship... I left for a couple days then he wanted to see his son.... I would never keep him from his son, but he agreed to do counseling... do you think it is just a scam or it can work?

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June_Mama09

Asked by June_Mama09 at 12:43 AM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,054 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • how do you know your son is safe?
    KaraMia15

    Answer by KaraMia15 at 12:46 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • we want to hear these words but remeber they are just words ,give him 6months and he still has not gone to counseling then it just talk ,and time to move on ,if he can hold you back then he will, you have to think of your son first
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 12:48 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I think he will say whatever you want to hear to get you back. If he is serious about counseling, then he needs to go by himself and you need to stay gone. He needs to prove he is working on his anger issues. Don't go back until he has proven it, no less than 6-12 months of counseling.

    Good luck!
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:49 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I don't know your background... but my knee-jerk reaction is that it's just a scam. It almost always is with an abuser. Mainly because counseling rarely works... especially if they are only doing it to get you back. Check out drirene.com It's a great support sight and will give you lots of good insight.
    inthepit

    Answer by inthepit at 12:49 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Most of the time.. In those situations, you will always have the "what ifs".. the decision is totally up to you -- you know him better than anyone. You must question whether it is a scam because you are asking us.. So, in my opinion -- I would say to let your son have a relationship because it is his father. Every boy needs a male figure in their life. BUT watch it closely because you do not want your son to be hurt. As for you, if he hit you once.. even if the counseling may help in the beginning or for a little bit.. eventually it may begin again.. then what are you going to do?
    ajc88

    Answer by ajc88 at 1:56 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Scam. Those leopards NEVER CHANGE THEIR SPOTS. It'll happen again and you'll kick yourself so SAVE YOURSELF THE KICKING and just STAY AWAY.
    StRita

    Answer by StRita at 2:09 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • You can have hope for a change but don't actually get back with Jim till he's done therapy and his own therapist and yours too things its okay to go back together. I do believe people change but not over night.
    whoreallycares

    Answer by whoreallycares at 3:25 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • eh, i think its a scam. if he wanted it to work he wouldnt have beaten you
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 4:12 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Based on the experiences my close friends have had, you need to wait until he's started counseling. Even then, you need to make sure they're supervised by you. On top of that, make sure there's some with you during this visitation, in case you start feeling threatened. The only thing that will allow him to see his son unsupervised is by court order only. I would get all the legal stuff taken care of as soon as you can and file for full custody.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 9:31 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • If he abuse is involved you need to get assistance in monitored visitation. It could be he really wants to be with his child but the truth is he also wants to stay in your life and that will only cause problems for you. No one, and I mean absolutely NO ONE should face their abuser alone. Be careful dear and seek assistance. Be blessed
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 10:22 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

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