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3 Bumps

Is there a way to feel better about being single and pregnant?

It seems like nobody understands how hard it is. Some people tell me I'm overreacting about it, but it gets lonely and scary. I'm not with the guy who got me pregnant because he started a lot of drama. It's not as easy as some people think it is to just jump into another relationship. My ex pretty much ruined love for me, and now my trust issues are worse than they were before, and it's hard to talk to people who have no idea what it's like to be single and pregnant. I just want to know how, and if, I can feel better about my situation. Can anyone help???

 
kconnolly90

Asked by kconnolly90 at 1:22 AM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 4 (37 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Well, Im going to come at you as a single mom who has been doing this on my own for 7 yrs. Yes my ex was in the delivery room, yes it was the picture perfect delivery...but it soon went down hill afterwards. So much pain over the years of being with someone who was abusive and not trustworthy. I cant sit here and make up for that magical moment in the delivery room, but everything else, if its with someone who is a jerk, then its not ok. I mean, if he could have been the same supportive person outside the delivery room,,,,it would have been ok, but honestly, that support lasted for a short 7 or 8 hours and I was the one doing all the labor! I have been raising my kids on my own for 7 yrs,,,,you can do this, just like I have,,,,it isnt just about pregnancy and labor and delivery, it is about the bond you have with your kids, thats what is the most important to me. Good luck,,,
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 1:36 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • first, you don't need to be looking to get yourself into another relationship right now. you need to focus on yourself and delievering a healthy baby.

    second, you need to start thinking about who is going to be in the room with you when you have the baby and getting child support papers served as soon as possible (it's a very long process).

    then you need to focus on getting ready for your baby to be here. you will be surprised on how much better you feel when you focus on your baby and stop worrying about other people.

    it is a very hard process and something daunting to go through a lone but it can be done. my ex walked out on me the day i found out i was preggo- he hasn't looked back and it's been almost 5 years! my son will 5 in nov. so yes i do know your feelings very very well!
    happymommy1105

    Answer by happymommy1105 at 1:32 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Yes, stop feeling sorry for yourself, plenty of women have been single and pregnant, plenty of women have been single mothers. I know you might feel alone right now, but you surely have friends or family who are there for you. And honestly, you shouldn't even be thinking about "jumping into another relationship" when you're pregnant and will have a baby to take care of!

    This might sound harsh but you gotta buck up and deal with your life instead of wallowing in self-pity. Find a support group here on CafeMom, there are plenty of them for single moms.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I would guess that it's not really the "best" time to be searching for a new romance, exactly... IF it happened, great!
    But better than a replacement partner, how about the support-team you'd already established in your life: parents, friends, other family ? Doula?
    You can plan to have help through your pregnancy, birth, postpartum...
    doulala

    Answer by doulala at 1:31 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Pregnancy Single or not is lonely. You carry the baby all by yourself either way. There is a ton of work for you without help though. Do you have family or friends who will help you? Do you have friends who are single and have kids. Go to the ppl who know what you are going through. I think your focus should be on your baby and not a new relationship. Find support, find ppl who understand your frustration and are willing to emotionally support you and help you pick yourself up! I am married but I feel so alone in pregnancy each time.
    You did get yourself into something that is going to be hard but it can make you better if you allow it! Being a Mom has made me such a better person in so may ways! You can do this. You got yourself here and now you show yourself that you are able to take of you and your baby!
    KaraMia15

    Answer by KaraMia15 at 1:36 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I have a husband and I get lonely and scared too...I think the feelings you describe are very common to most of here in some form or another. Being here is a good start - talk about it, get advice, make some friends. And trust me, you will NOT have to worry about being bored once the baby arrives. It may actually give you a sense of clarity and purpose that you didn't have before. I know it did for me. I love my husband and all, but my #1 focus is my son and nothing else comes close. The first few months will be harder but as your child gets older, you will get more and more fulfillment from watching them grow. I laugh at my son every day, and am amazed at the things he learns. You are in for a very big change so just try to take deep breaths, be prepared, and be ready for every plan you ever made to fly right out the window. Lol it's chaos, but it's a beautiful chaos!
    getrealmama

    Answer by getrealmama at 1:44 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • It's okay to be single and pregnant. You will feel much better about everything eventually, but you have to accept your situation first.
    sherribeare

    Answer by sherribeare at 2:34 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • tell ya what when you feel that baby kick for the first time and see baby on a sono its gonna make you feel better and when that baby is placed in your arms you are gonna be filled w/ so much joy.you are not alone you are w/ baby
    loomis6

    Answer by loomis6 at 2:21 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

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