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How to talk to my mom about my biological father

I've just had information about my birth dad fall into my lap. My mom has never been forth coming about his identity for fear that she would loose me. I have assured her that she has nothing to worry about. She was very young when she had me and my birth dad told her to abort me. She told him never to talk to her again and not to look for me. I've just found out that he has two other daughters and two sons. One of his daughters is married to my cousin-in-law's brother. My extended family found out when they attended the wedding this summer. I always pictured him not wanting to meet me, or being ashamed of me. He says he wants to talk to me. My biggest concern is my mother's reaction. I don't want to stress her out. Any tips or thoughts as to a good way to bring this up to my mom?

 
Carrielayne

Asked by Carrielayne at 3:35 AM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (212 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Be honest with her. Tell her that you need or desire to know more. Tell her that it has nothing to do with what happened between them and regardless to anything you need to know about the man that fathered you. Explain your reasons to her, she will understand and even if she does not like it she will back you and be there for you.
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 10:13 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I think that you have to make the decision for yourself regardless of how it could make your mother feel. This is your life. You should meet your father if you want to. If you wait, he might not be there later on. Just don't have any expectations when you met him. Good luck.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:44 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I have no idea. I have a similar situation. I was adopted at birth by my parents from S. Korea. I have never look ed for my bio parents for 2 reasons, one I honestly dont care because I) have an awesome life I wouldnt trade for anything and 2) I dont want to hurt them by looking for them kwim? Good luck and I hope you can find a way to talk to her about it :)
    kjbennett26

    Answer by kjbennett26 at 7:23 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I think that you have to make the decision for yourself regardless of how it could make your mother feel. This is your life. You should meet your father if you want to. If you wait, he might not be there later on. Just don't have any expectations when you met him. Good luck.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:44 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • By this point in your life, you're an adult and can make your own decisions. I understand she's worried about your relationship with her, but I'm also willing to bet that she wants you to make your own decisions, too. People can change over the years, especially when children are involved. My own father was like this. He and my mom were married when they had me, but he was still a kid; barely 20, I think. He was immature at the time, but has grown up so much. We didn't have much of a relationship when I was growing up. We've spent the last ten years trying to make up for lost time. It didn't help the fact that my mother was with-holding information from me about him and their divorce. I don't fault him for anything because of the mean and cruel things my mother did to him then.

    Now, I know I love my dad. I really do. I miss him so much more than I ever missed my mother (she's in CO, he's in OH, and I'm in TX).
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 8:17 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • i agree you are an adult but here's my ? why would you care he wanted to talk to you now?? he told her to abort you and he hasnt tried looking for you or anything.. why give him anything that he hasnt given you? he has 4 other children.. FOUR and none of them are wondering who their dad is.. i would leave him right where he left you YEARS ago and let the years pass just like he did you.
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:15 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • as for them being young?? seriously..... who the hell cares how old you were when you turned your back on your children?? your mom was young to but she took the responsibility and loved you from the min she found out she was pregnant. i give her props.. she was there for you and TAM ??? seriously you think that your "do as he pleased until he got ready to be apart of your life" dad really would tell you the truth about what mommy done to HIM? he wasnt there and he could have been. i wouldnt believe a word out of a mans mouth especially dogging the only one who was there for you from day one.
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:19 AM on Oct. 4, 2010

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