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3 Bumps

How do you approach this?

I just talked to my dad and he said my mom has gotten to where she doesn't even want to start the day. She won't get anything done at home, and just tends to lay in bed unless she's got something specific she wants to do. My mom is 53, and just got on disability because she has chronic ringing of the ears and a lot of problems with her hands. My dad has a lot of health problems too.
Right now I feel kind of bad, because I have a feeling this has to do with a) her not working b) our moving away. I'm an only child and my Dh is military. We went from 6 hrs from home to 12 hrs from home. I think she's upset about not being able to see my kids so often. What would you do? I want to talk to her but I don't want to upset her or get my dad in trouble.


Asked by hobbitswife04 at 1:31 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,083 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Your parents didn't raise you, I'm sure, so that your life can be on hold around theirs, so first, I wouldn't feel guilty about not being there. I would encourage your dad to forget the housework, etc. issues that aren't being done. He can do the minimun so there are clothes to wear and dishes to eat from. Aside from that, he should go for walks or lunch with her. Pick out a lovely outfit, and plan a lovely day together, as often as possible. If the weather is bad, choose a local mall and window shop while walking hand in hand. In the evenings, maybe a drive or a brief museum visit, or again, a mall walk. If he is still working, he should come up with "Errands" that are needed. Honey, my shirts are not fitting quite right anymore, can you shop around for a better size? Honey I needed a couple of things Fed Exed today, do you mind? I think we should send DD and family a care package... will you shop 4 it? Day by Day.

    Answer by fohtrae at 1:40 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • It sounds like she is clinically depressed. I think you should talk to your dad and see if he can get her to a doctor where they can discuss this. Depression is a very serious illness and can do devastating things to people and their relationships. I definitely don't think you should "wait and see." If she's at the point where she doesn't even get out of bed, then she needs help now.

    Answer by arouthier at 1:35 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Hun, I think that your mom needs to go get help herself. You are not responsible for her actions and feelings. That is too much strain on you and it's not right. She's not going to actually completely get the help she needs if SHE doesn't get it for herself.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 1:37 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • thats what I think as well. I just talked to my dad and he told me he was going to try and get her to go to the dr.

    Comment by hobbitswife04 (original poster) at 1:38 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Honestly, it sounds like she is depressed. Talk to her, and try to get her to go to the doctor. Even if it means you going back to their house for a day or two and going with her!

    Answer by mommy11260 at 1:43 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • husband is going through the same thing with his mom right now. His mom has chronic back pain and is on pain killers. She stays in her room most of the time. My husband is also military and we are 20 hours from home. So my husband just flew home a month ago to have a family intervention. It helped!!! Maybe showing her that it really concerns you may help.But she really has to want to help herself. Good luck!!!

    Answer by usmcwifey28 at 1:43 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • nothing wrong with trying to help your mother but im sure it will have to come from your father. sounds like she needs some medication to maybe get her over all the sudden changes in her life. make sure to call her daily and have the kids tell her about their day. do you maybe have a webcam so you can see one another?

    Answer by lillie70 at 1:44 PM on Oct. 4, 2010