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2 Bumps

How would you feel in this situation?

My DH's cousin is divorcing his wife. He cheated, so we don't really talk to him at the moment. We are still friend's with his soon-to-be ex-wife. I like her and I like hanging out with her. We help her with her son (when he needs to be picked up after school, etc). Anyway, the point I'm getting to, is she calls my DH EVERY night to complain or talk or whatever. If he doesn't answer, then she will try my phone or the house phone. She never calls me first, unless she knows I'm the one she needs to talk to for whatever reason. It really bugs me that she calls my DH. Why does she need his shoulder to "cry" on? I get that she needs someone to talk to, but why not me? I could care less if she called me or not, but I don't get a lot of time with my DH and she will keep him on the phone for as long as possible. I know she's not a threat to my marriage, but still. How would you feel in this situation?

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JGRIMMER

Asked by JGRIMMER at 2:25 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,904 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I wouldn't like it at all.. I would take to my DH and tell him it bothers you.. If he respects you, he will ignore her calls.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:26 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I agree with you. She needs to find an appropriate shoulder to cry on, and to tell you the truth, however innocent, that shoulder doesn't shouldn't be on anyone's husband. She also needs to respect other people's family time, even if it's you she's calling. Divorce is traumatic for sure, but that isn't an excuse to disrupt other people's lives.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 2:29 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I probably would've been okay with it at first, but it would start to aggravate me. Maybe you should talk to your DH about it and tell him how you feel, he should understand. Maybe you should even talk to her and tell her how you feel about it as well. If her husband just cheated on her and left her, she shouldn't be leaning on someone else's husband for support.
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 2:29 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • It would annoy the crap out of me. I would hazard a guess though that she prefers talking to your DH because he is her soon to be ex-husband's cousin. Maybe she feels with them being cousins he is closer to the situation and that helps her feel a little better. Regardless, it should stop and it isn't very appropriate.
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 2:31 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I would be upset. But maybe she wants to talk to him more because he is a relative to her soon to be ex husband.. Maybe she is hoping that he goes back and says something to him.. I'm not too sure.
    xxlilmomma09

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 2:34 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • she probably is trying to get the male point of view or perhaps feels like he might provide some insight as a family member. let her know that you are willing to listen too or just call her for a change and ask how she's doing.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:42 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I had a friend who was like that many years ago.

    She was reaching out and looking for some " male" reassurance. She kept looking for a male shoulder to cry on, because she wanted a man to make her feel better. She needed a man to tell her that it wasn't her fault, or that she wasn't unworthy of love, that she wasn't an unattractive woman, a bad wife.etc.etc She needed to hear those things from a man because it was a man who made her doubt everything about herself as a woman. My frind had wrapped up their entire being in their relationship.. Being Mrs. So and So is their essence basically. OVer the years she had lost herself and was only Mrs. So and so, and so and so's mom. She was no longer her own woman. When her husband left her for another woman, she sought out men to try and make herself feel like a woman again. To reinforce within her that she wasn't unworthy of love or a relationship.

    Maybe that;'s the case here
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:46 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I would feel as bothered about it as you are. She should not be calling your dh. She should be calling you or one of her family or someone she know's better than you. If it goes too much further on her part with your dh, I would keep an eye on her. She is losing her dh and is probably looking for another to substitute for him whether she knows it or not. Keep an eye on her. Hope all goes well.
    akamomof275847

    Answer by akamomof275847 at 2:53 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Maybe, her conversations with your husband makes her feel better because he's a relative to her soon to be ex and your husband may be better qualified to explain to her something she needs answers to. If you are that uncomfortable let your husband know...but I'm she's going through an awful divorce and just needs a shoulder to lean on for support...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:03 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I agree with you....she needs to find someone besides you hubby to cry on a shoulder. I would talk to my husband and let him how I felt. If he respects you and loves you, he will put your feelings above others. Maybe you could offer your shoulder instead of his. If she needs a man on whose shoulder to cry, she needs to find a single man or a man whose wife doesn't care about whether or not she cries on his shoulder. I hope it works out for the best.
    Svetlana98usa

    Answer by Svetlana98usa at 4:23 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

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