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need serious advice on if my son should see his biological dad

my 8yr old hasn't seen his dad much in the last couple years cause his dad is diagnosed bi polar , with MAJOR manic episodes that have made it unsafe for him to see him. my son isn't sure he wants to cause the last memories he really has of him is when he was throwing things and basically in his manic episodes. well his dad called and said hes going to Alaska in Jan and wants to see his son as much as he can bfore then. hes doing ok right now but im not sure if its still a good idea since he'll be right back out of his life again.im afraid my son may resent me later if i keep him away. of course the visits would be with other ppl around so i feel hed be safe. his dad has wroten him only twice in the last year. my husband and family doesn't think its a good idea cause of his bi polor problems and why let him get attached again if hes just going to leave in a couple months? i need mature advice please

 
hotmama541

Asked by hotmama541 at 2:51 PM on Oct. 24, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • Wow that is a tough one. I would be confused too as to what is best for your son. I think maybe you could talk to your son, ask him if he even wants to see his bio dad. Maybe you could have his fahter come to visit him at your house, so your son would feel safer. I know you said he'd be safe because other people would be around, but your son remembers the out bursts from before, and would feel scared. So if you decide to let his bio father see him, I'd think about making the visit be at your son's home. But actually I'm not sure he should see him at all, it is very confusing and I"m sorry if I'm not giving you much advice. I am trying to put myself in your shoes. Honestly I think what I would do is talk to your son and if he wants to see him then I guess let him. Good Luck
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 3:04 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • im bi polar..so yea im kinda iffy on that..he should b on meds b 4 u let him have any alone visits w/ him but i would let him have visits w/ u being there..
    Kittty_Katt

    Answer by Kittty_Katt at 2:55 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I think visits with you there would be okay too. I wouldn't let my child out of my sight though.
    Kenzies_momma

    Answer by Kenzies_momma at 2:58 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • First of all, your son could resent you for standing in his way of seeing his dad. It can go either way. Bi-polar disorder isn't the worst thing in the world. Yes, it would make me a bit wary, but if he's doing better and others are going to be around then his mental issue shouldn't be an issue. Your son is 8 years old. How does HE feel about seeing his dad. He's not a small child so explain to him that you won't stand in his way of doing so, but that he must know that his dad is going away soon.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 2:59 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • Continued:
    He's old enough to understand that at 8.This issue isn't between your family and husband and you. It's about your son and his dad. Period. No one has to agree with it. YOU are his mother and it's up to you to make the best decision possible. His dad may not be the best person on earth, and has probably made some mistakes in the past few years. But he has a son that he wants to see, and if he's willing do to his part, then it's your job to do yours. But like I said, sit down and talk to your son about it. If it really upsets him to go see his dad, then decide to not allow it. But if he wants to see his dad then don't get in the way of that.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 2:59 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • continued:
    (PS-I have a 4 year old little boy. His father and I do not speak at all, due to domestic violence issues. It is important to me that my son makes his own decision when he is able as to whether or not to see his father. Right now it's my job to protect him, although my ex has never laid a hand on him and I genuinely believe he never would.)
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 2:59 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I HAVE ASKED HIM AND ONE TIEM HE SAYS YES THEN HE SAYS NO CAUSE HES AFRAID OF HIM. he calls my husband his dad and the other day, im not kidding, out of the blue at dinner he said "your my dad and Brian (his bio dad) is My step dad cause you protected us from him". we were both shocked. We dont talk bad about him cause we know his dads behaviour is from his illness. were really going toward letting him spend a couple hours with him each sat until he leaves with his dads family. someone brought up the fact that he may be trying to set it up to where he takes my son to alaska w him during one of these visits cause he has threatened to take him, even thou i have legal custody
    hotmama541

    Answer by hotmama541 at 3:35 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

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