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4 Bumps

Mother in-law issues

Please help... My mother in-law is playing favoites with my kids. She buysmy 5yo ds things/toys, takes him over night as my 3yo ds sits on the sidelines asking me why she like his brother more than him. We also have a 3mo dd that she didnt come see until she was 6 weeks old and has held a handful of times. She lives very close so there is no real good excuse. I am so angry with todays problem, i could just screem. We went visited with her, just me the baby and my 3yo ds and she sent about 5 min talking with us before jummped on the phone with her sister and started chatting about drama. Ive put in my effort into this relationship, now where do i draw the line and say something??? Its gone beyond what i ever thought it would go.

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Allisonmoymoy

Asked by Allisonmoymoy at 3:38 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (88 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • hell no if you dont have for all then dont have for none...if anyone brings something to just one of my kids then I AM SORRY TAKE IT BACK WE DONT NEED IT WE DONT WANT IT....my kids are all equal no is better then the other so they all need to be treated the SAME...plain and simple no questions about it...
    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 3:42 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Tell her that unless she includes all of your children, she doesn't get to spend time with any of them!
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 3:43 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I would pull back and not discourage the relationship but I probably wouldnt pursue it either. I wouldn't go out of my way to call or visit. If she wants to spend time with only one child say no. Tell her how you feel. It may cause drama but you should be able to talk it threw for the kids.
    martinmommy26

    Answer by martinmommy26 at 3:44 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I'm so sorry that your MIL is being so insensitive. I hope to have daughter in laws who will bring the grandchildren over, and allow me to spend time with them, together and individually. You might try having her son talk to her about this. Most moms deal with things better when they come from their own children, but especially since you are upset, he may be able to handle it more gently. (I know you may not feel she deserves the gentleness, but this is a lifelong relationship)

    Grandparents shouldn't play favorites, and I can't imagine ever doing so. Maybe she is just more comfortable with and older child, and doesn't realize that the younger one is aware of the difference in treatment.

    Whatever it is, if it's bothering you enough to upset you (and it would upset me as well) I would start by having your husband talk to her.

    Goodluck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:44 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I would tell my husband to say something to her.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 3:45 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • My husband is great but this is his STEP-mom. Ugh, even more difficult. He is just as intimidated by her, as i am.
    Allisonmoymoy

    Comment by Allisonmoymoy (original poster) at 3:50 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • This is the first time I've heard of something like this. I mean that I suspected that it happens. Before I was married and was still living with my mom, we would always buy something for the other kids as we bought something for the new baby. Assuming that your MIL is a reasonable person, I would have my hubby and I talking to her asking her politely to either bring nothing for any of the children or something for every child. If she didn't do that with her own children, explain to her that you and your husband try to treat all of your children as fairly as possible....

    I hope that it works out for you.
    Svetlana98usa

    Answer by Svetlana98usa at 3:52 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I wanted to add that I think it's great for grandparents to spend time wi one child at a time, as long as they do that with EACH of the children. It's nice to get to do things special for each child, develop a special relationship with them as individuals, and not have to worry about watching more than one at a time.

    Sorry that it's a stepmom, I think that makes it harder, but it's still his family and he should handle it, or maybe talk to his dad about the situation.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:54 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • My mom does the same thing to us. We have 6 yr old and 13 mo old. She will spend time with our older son but has NEVER asked to spend time with the little one. Drives me nuts but I told her she has to treat them the same or she can't do it at all. (Same things with gifts etc.) Drives me nuts
    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 4:17 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • they your kids i don't ever get the whole intimidating thing...i dont get intimidated especially by another woman that has the same as me...
    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 4:22 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

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