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Foster parenting

Has anyone ever done this? Do you get to choose who you foster? How does it work?

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Asked by 1lilgirl at 7:57 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,351 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I looked into fostering a child while their parent(s) where on deployment. I didn't do it because I decided to move back home while my husband was deployed. But with that fostering program, I was able to pick the age groups that I would consider. I am sure that most are like this as well. I don't think you get to actually choose who you foster unless it is a relative.

    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:01 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • My Mom has fostered for 50 years. You have to keep in mind that these are children who have been exposed to drugs, abuse neglect and all other forms of awful things. Most have horrible horibble trust issues and behavioral problems. When she first got my brother he had been left crying in his crib for so many hours that he had worn huge holes in the sides of his feet from rubbing them together. She thought he was maybe a month old but when she looked at the forms he was 4 months he was just never fed. At the hospital he was so dehydrated that they could not get an IV into his head, so they told her to take him home and hope or he would take a bottle or he was going to die.

    Answer by luvsmysonjames at 8:21 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • With another brother, he was found in an apartment with his mother's body. Her boyfriend had beat her to death with a bat and he spent several days there before he was found. We still do not know if he saw what happened to his mother.

    Answer by luvsmysonjames at 8:23 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • With a sister, the Mom did drugs throughout the whole pregnancy and finally went to the hospital when her contractions got really bad. She gave birth to a girl and she was immediately taken away. But a few weeks later the baby had an infection in her brain from strep b which could have been prevented by the Mom having gotten antibiotics during her labor and my sister having been given a shot of them after birth. But the Mom said nothing, even though she knew she had strep b from previous children. As a result, by the time Chrystal had any symptoms the virus had fried her brain. She is almost four now and does not speak, walk or even sit up. She is fed through a tube in her stomach.

    Answer by luvsmysonjames at 8:29 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Don't get me wrong, fostering is a wonderful thing, I just want you to have a realistic view of what to expect. All of the children mentioned where adopted by my parents and are doing well.

    Answer by luvsmysonjames at 8:32 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Wow, luvs, those story's are awful and so sad! I don't understand ppl. How could ppl do this.. ugh! Hurts my heart!

    Comment by 1lilgirl (original poster) at 9:07 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Yes, foster parenting can be heartbreaking. I was a foster child and a foster parent. As a foster child it was hard. The first parents I lived with were wonderful. To this day I use a lot of the examples she gave me. She taught me how to love others right were they were in their life. She believed time heals and what we most needed was some lov'in. She took time to teach me how to sew, put on makeup and laugh. Then down side what I had problems that needed professional help. No one saw that or did anything to help me. When I failed, I ran because I thought I was going to get beat again. As a foster parent, we took the children even other foster parents wouldn't take! We made them a part of our family. Included them in decision making and asked for their advice. We tried to bring out the best in them and less focus on their wrong doings. We knew they'd grow out of them. They need to be loved, encouraged, and accepted.

    Answer by Prayerpartner at 9:24 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I'm wanting to, when our child is a little older. I haven't yet, though, so I'm sorry I don't have much advice. I'd look up what you can online about how it works in your state - you can usually find information online. :)

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 9:26 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • They needed to know they weren't the "Stupit","Good for nothing", or"You'll never amount to nothing" child that had been spoken into their spirit. You get to choose age groups. You don't get to tell them this child shouldn't go back to those abusive parents. Had one girl who was molested by stepdad. She'd stay out until her mom came home. He'd lock her out of the house for the night. They went to group counceling. After two weeks, they let her go back home. 24 hours later she's calling because she's locked out again. Oh, when we got her, she was in a warn out tee shirt, short jeans full of holes, no shoes, and matted hair. When she met with her mom for the first visit, her mom didn't even reconize her own daughter because she was so beautiful cleaned up! One other thing, the Social Workers often keep vital information due to privacy from you.

    Answer by Prayerpartner at 9:37 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • We had a boy who's dad had crushed in the right side of brain with a steel pip. The institutions he was in did things only heard about in nightmares. He would go into rages. Set things on fire. We prayed. Asked the Lord if we could help him. 10 min. later the boy came out saying,"tell my worker I don't want to stay here because I like you but afraid i'm going to hurt you." We called, They said we'd have to wait 2 weeks to 2 months to find another placement. I called some prayer warriors to pray him out in 24 hours. He left in 22! It is a wonderful life if you know how to accept the fact these are broken children. Some can't be fixed, some just need to be watered with words of encouragement, others need to be mended with prayer and a lot of never ending love. All of your emotions will come into play. You'll be tested, lied to, cheated, and Lord willing get some love in the end back. Like us all, they are a work in progress!

    Answer by Prayerpartner at 9:46 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

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