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4 Bumps

How can a mom be like this with her dying son?

My MIL has always been a martyr and self-absorbed. 2 yrs ago, my DH was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. His mom was never there for him during his battle. He has now lost the battle & is dying - on his last days, actually. This woman has done nothing but cause arguments, drama & heartache for all concerned. She calls him to start fights about stupid things and is just plain nasty. I have tried to be considerate on her feelings, biting my tongue a lot, but she has never considered what my DD & I are going thru. Our therapist said we have every right to forbid her from coming around with the anxiety she is causing, especially her son. How in the hell can a mom treat their dying child like that? How can she make it about her and not consider the feelings of those affected directly in my home? I have tried so hard to tolerate a lot of her antics. She lies, swindles and starts unnecessary fights all the time. (cont'd.)

 
TeensMom07

Asked by TeensMom07 at 8:29 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,164 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I'm so sorry about your DH. But your MIL is way out of line on this. He may be her son, but you are married to him and you're going to miss him as much or more than her. You really don't need someone like this around right now. You got enough going on in your life. It sounds like your daughter is not very fond of her as well. Your husband deserves some peace right now and to spend some time with his family (you and your daughter), why he still can. I say you are well within your rights to tell her that you don't want her to be around right now and you want to keep your husbands last days at peace. He deserves that, and you and your daughter do too. I wish you all well and hope things will get better.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:20 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I would send her packing so fast her head would spin. You need to be there for him and your daughter, and you are going to have to save enough for yourself at the end of the day. You dont have anything extra to put into this women. Tell her to get lost, and go be with your family. What a horrible woman.....I am so sorry that you have to deal with this right now.
    LuvMyMedic3ID

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 8:35 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • oh my, best of luck to you and your family. xoxo
    Chell.o_0

    Answer by Chell.o_0 at 8:31 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • gee, that's such a difficult situation for you and your family. i would definately keep her away as much as i could, but i don't think i would totally shut her out. maybe explain to her that she's causing hubby and daughter so much stress it's really impacting them and she needs to come around less often and behave when she does come around. i know how she feels though.... i hate to admit it but i act like that sometimes when i'm going through a tough time. she's full of anger because she's watching her child die and doesn't know how to cope with it. i know it's hard for you too....maybe if she comes around less she will cherish the time she does spend with him. gl and ((hugs)) for you and your daughter (and his mom too....because eventhough she's annoying she's going through it too. )
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:36 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • get the woman out of the picture and do it fast! you and your DD only have so much time with your husband, and you have to make the most of it!
    I'd tell her what the deal is and give make it clear she has a chance to say goodbye to him but that's it!
    I would give her a chance to say goodbye because eventually she'll realize what she did- wouldn't want to feel guilty later.

    Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Sure, she's angry and upset, but we ALL are. That doesn't give her the right to act out like this. Sadly, my DD's opinion of her grandmother is pretty piss-poor right now because of all of this and it is affecting my daughter tremendously, who is only 17 yrs. old & losing her dad. Would YOU forbid this woman from coming around? Esp. if your DH has stated he doesn't want any part of her drama?
    TeensMom07

    Comment by TeensMom07 (original poster) at 8:31 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • im sorry for what you are going threw...all i could tell you is that if i was in your shoes i would delete her from my life and my familys life if i did not have much time i would delete any negative person so i can live what i have lest with my love...again i am so sorry for all you going threw...wish you and your the best in the world...
    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 8:34 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • yes of course i would forbid her especially if your husband is asking this. so sorry for all the heartache. you will see him again in heaven.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:40 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I agree with your therapist.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:52 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • wow you have losy mil i guess she was not so great as a mother,and your hubby was lucky finding you as his mate,the best way for you is change your number she can't call if number has been change,not all mother are the best of mother,so now it will be you and your family ,and god bless you and your family to lose a love one is hard i lost my much older brother in 1985 to cancer it was hard for all my family but parents were there with him to the end holding his hand ,my dad said no son should die before his father ,i guess your mil has no clue what she losing but a great son ,
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 8:57 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

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