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What time frame/year(s) was/were the most difficult in your marriage? (And a couple of related questions)

How old were you when you got married? How long have you been married now? Did you almost end up divorced, but reconcile? What helped the most?

 
Mrs.BAT

Asked by Mrs.BAT at 8:53 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 38 (105,028 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • We were married at 19...that was about 6-1/2 years ago. The hardest year was the third year, the same year we had our first daughter. I had severe PPD and having a kid in general was a shock to our relationship. We all but divorced...in fact, I told DH I wanted a divorce, but thank God my husband is smarter and more mature than I am. He refused to give in, and just a few months later it was like we'd never even hit a rough patch. We just had to get back to basics - remember why we loved each other in the first place. Reminiscing together helped, as did taking just a short vaction together without our daughter. We needed that chance to reconnect.
    aliceryannesmom

    Answer by aliceryannesmom at 8:58 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • The first few years are the worst, you are trying to really get to know the person and things that you were not aware of surface. I was 21 and so was he, we lived in another city in the State of Florida while going to school and I had no one to run to so we had to settle our differences. I think that the fact that we had no family interference in our fights made us figure out and settle them ourselves, we have been married 38 years!
    older

    Answer by older at 8:58 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I was 21 when we got married & honestly the whole marriage has been hell... We got married a few weeks after his father came home from a cancer treatment center.... Almost a year to the day later we were told that the cancer was back & for him to do any kind of treatment would kill him faster..... It has been really hard, This Nov will make one year of his father passing away. We didn't know how to deal with it, the pain, the stress the anger & we almost did end up divorced. In fact I told him I would stay as long as his father was alive, so his father didn't know what was going on. A year later & things are still hard as hell, but I love him. We are both slowly getting back to were we need to be.

    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 9:12 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • 34 and have been married 6 years. Some days I think i should not have married him and I settled - but the baby years definitely changed our marriage and its been hard but we do have good days that lets me know we can get over this hump...money is always a big issue too! What helps the most when I'm feeling this way is to just plow forward and live for my kids. When husband does this too it brings us closer
    beachgirl7970

    Answer by beachgirl7970 at 8:57 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Six year mark is difficult, No I am not married any longer (Actually I am but in the middle of a divorce.) I married at 19 years old. Communication helps tremendously but both parties have to really do so. Sadly it doesn't always work out that way. My soon to be ex and I are still friends.
    AugustMidge

    Answer by AugustMidge at 8:58 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I think the hardest years for us were 5 and 6.

    I was 20 and he was 28 when we got married. We have been married for 13 years. No one ever said anything about divorce (not an option), no one was happy and we were not spending time with each other at all.

    I think the trouble was I did a lot of growing and changing from 20-25 and when I was a grown up and didn't depend on him for everything, it threw him for a loop. I wanted to do my own thing and he didn't understand. I think if i was married to anyone else and we did not have the no divorce conversation before we got married it could have ended badly. But we said from the beginning that you can't leave, we do not have a revolving door, no trial separation none of that. We got married for a reason and we will stay married for that same reason.
    Bubbie0809

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 9:00 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I got married two months before turning 16 ... it was planned, not an "oops, I'm pregnant" kind of deal. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary on September 22. =)

    I think the hardest were the early years. Not only did we have to get used to each other, but had to deal with a handicap child and the numerous doctor visits he had.

    We've had our ups and downs but our love for each other has kept us together. =)
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 9:24 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I was 23 and DH was 25 when we got married! The 11th year was the worst year of our marriage! My marriage has been tons of ups and downs we are married almost 24 years now! I still say that the hardest part of our lives is all the surgeries my son has been through and is still going through but sorry to say by him being so sick it has helped us to stick together that much more!
    Darla47

    Answer by Darla47 at 9:26 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Married for 18+ years, yes we had our rocky moments, and were even on the edge of divorce! BUT.......what helped with us is to talk about every single thing that bothers/irritates us and just talk about normal every day things, things that happened at work or home or with the kid(s) and be honest with yourself and your spouse as well..

    I think Communication is a very big part in your life when you are married.
    tulip70

    Answer by tulip70 at 9:33 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

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