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5 Bumps

thinking of leaving...

I am considering leaving my husband....we havent even been married two years. But ever since we had our baby he "works" later and later every work day, started working on weekends, and is meaner to me than ever. He has shoved me around a couple of times, not too bad but still, apparently isn't atracted to me anymore, I always have to initiate any kind of intimacy and sometimes I have to work really hard at it. Also, he drinks more and more. I guess me real question is, what you you do, and if you were to leave how do you go about actually doing it? I'm scared to leave b/c he drinks so much and has gotten to a point of being physical a time or two before. I would die if anything were to happen to my baby and i dont want him to grow up in an enviroment where daddy obviously doesn't care for mommy..... help please

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I save up and move out. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:47 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • you need to TALK to him. Divorce is the easy way out. Your marriage vows were "in good times and bad, for better or for worse"....nowhere in there did it say, until the marriage gets to hard.

    Kids are expensive!!!! Maybe he is working so that he can pay the bills. He is drinking and irritable because he is stressed out. Kids change everything.

    You need to talk to him and tell him how lonely you are. Running away will not solve anything.
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 9:48 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • There is never its not too bad when it comes to someone putting their hands on someone else, if he isnt willing/wanting to go to therapy or some sort of help, then you have to do what is best for you and your child, you never know he could turn to your child next. Go to family if they are willing to help you or sometimes his family, and if you really want to leave what you need to do if you fear for your safety have someone there (incase of him coming home early) pack some of your things and the baby's things and leave, and get a lawyer and go from there, hope everything works out for you and your child.
    Army108th

    Answer by Army108th at 9:50 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Oh my word! Get out of there! If it's getting worse and worse, you know it's bound to happen that you or your child will be injured one way or another! That's not a healthy environment for your baby! Sounds like he's got some issues he needs to work on, whether he agrees or not... which he may never... I would say pack up what you need... and tell him straight forwardly that you are unhappy with your life there, and your worried for you and your baby! Just be safe.
    Mskixxalot

    Answer by Mskixxalot at 9:50 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I would leave.. When I left my husband who was an alcoholic and a drug addict I did it when he was at work because I was afraid of him. He hit me before. I took both my girls and my stuff and my aunt came and picked me up and we went to live with my mom. I didn't want my girls to grow up watching their dad hit their mom. It's the best thing I ever did.
    mom23girls541

    Answer by mom23girls541 at 9:50 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • does he drink a few times a week? can he go a without drinking if you asked? if not then he is an alcoholic. you don't need your baby or yourself around that kind of person. most alcoholics are violent. you've said he's hit you a couple of times. he's likely to hit you again. if you have a job or a place to go then you should leave. hitting you is abuse. no matter how much stress he's under that does not justify drinking a lot or abuse. good luck.
    xavierlogan09

    Answer by xavierlogan09 at 9:51 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • i left an abusive alcoholic who got diagnosed with major depressive disorder after I left. you need to call domestic violence services fo ryour area... the girls there will hear you believe you and help you!!! they did for me!!! you need to take your child and some belongings and go when he goes to work or elsewhere a long time. dont tell him you are planning this as it will piss him off and he may abuse again. they say EVEN a fetus or infant newborn can TELL the fatehr is yelling or hurtign the mother EVEN if they are sleeping!!! I have a six month old and a seven yr old and i got out when a neighbor called 911 on him... it is scary out here but way less scarier than worryign and cringing aroudn my beautiful baby. she is so happy now and babbling, whereas before she was always fussing and tense, didnt smile as much!!! she has blossomed. do this for little baby boy... i have learned there is NO excuse for physical abuse
    silverelf

    Answer by silverelf at 9:56 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • you and your child come first find a safe place you can stay and pick up the pieces that is not healthy and will continue
    Inheritingkids

    Answer by Inheritingkids at 12:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Talk to him. Have a friend or family member watch your baby and take a night out of the seven day week and TALK. Keep the phones, computers, and televisions turned off. That's when you ask him what's going on. Put everything out on the table, including how you feel. A lot of men have a hard time communicating at all, so you may need to prompt him for his answers. Good luck.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:02 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I would sit down and think about what is best for my child. It isnt just about you anymore you have a baby. I mean you should think about you but your child always comes first. If he has gotten physical with you chances are that one day he might not stop there
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 6:39 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

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