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Looking for someone who has a similar story..

Im 19, I got married in June to my babys father. We had our sone at ages 16 & 17. He graduated high school, but I didnt. He has his lisence, but I dont. I stay at home with our son during the day while he works. But I feel so useless sometimes. I think i may be falling into depression. I feel like I depend on him for everything, and hes more of a guardian than a spouse. He says thats crazy, but its how I feel. I want to get a job, but I would have to get my GED, and to get my GED I would need my lisence, and to get my lisence I would need a car, and to get a car I would need money, so i would need a job. Its a never ending circle! We only make enough to barely get by at the moment. So it's hard to save up for anything. And our familt isnt that supportive of anything, so were basicly alone. I was wondering if theres anyone out there that was in this situation at my age, and things are a lot better now?

Answer Question

Asked by Jessica1991 at 11:25 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Money & Work

Level 14 (1,438 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Yes i am kinda in the same situation, so works n i stay at home, n yes you do feel worthless at time, i went ahead and got a job at a mental health facility on weekends & graveyard shift during the week, i know its going to suck but its a start.

    Answer by gabby06 at 11:28 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • No, but I wish you could speak to my 17, almost 18 year old son and tell him that it's not always greener on the other side.

    Answer by FeelinYummy at 11:31 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I had a VERY similar situation, other then the fact that I had a diploma. I'm not knocking you for not, just saying that is pretty much the only difference. Does your SO have a car that he uses to get back and forth to work? If he does, you could always set up your test on a weekend. And there are places that will hire people without a GED or Diploma. You could go to a fast food place. I know it sounds crappy, but, it would at least give you guys a little more income and you could try to start to save so you can take the GED test. And, you could try to get on a shift that you could work while your SO is home, so you wouldn't have to pay a babysitter. Just a few suggestions. Good luck and keep your head up. And BELIEVE it will get better.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 11:34 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • You didn't mention where you are from. I am sorry that you feel that way about yourself. One piece at a time. Do you absolutely need a license to get a GED, or can you get a non-drivers ID? Are there any jobs that you might be able to get that do not require a GED, even if it's only while you get your situation together? Have you talked to any of the assistance agencies in your state to see if they can point you in the right direction? I am not in your situation, but I do know what it is to devalue myself and to feel worthless. I think many moms here could say the same. Sometimes, though, you have to step back, and take things one at a time. Otherwise you could overwhelm yourself.




    Answer by 69humblepie at 11:34 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I am 43 and I have a Son who is 3. My one & only. I think that when you have a child that many people feel like their own life is on hold. We'll that is how I feel sometimes. But you are actually doing the most important job you will ever have in you life. Raising a child to be someone great some day. I also have learned to take one day at a time and one step at a time too. There is no rush in life, you have many years ahead of you. Make one goal at a time and however long it takes to achieve it. Start with your GED. Then go on from there. Everyone's path in life is different. Take time & enjoy where you are at every point in your life because these are all special moments that we can never re-live again. Good luck and take a deep breath and know that you are where you are because that is where you are supposed to be right now. Tomorrow is another day.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:38 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • you = your life (sorry spelling)

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:41 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Look, things do get better. Life is a struggle. I commend you for staying home and letting him do this. You could do more "work" at home though. You should work very hard on cutting costs. Learn to be very clever about groceries and supplies. Keep up on free stuff or cheap stuff. Ad match groceries. Buy Christmas and birthday throughout the year from online where prices are competitive. Find ways to be clever and FRUGAL. You will feel very accomplished and he will be very impressed and you guys together are a team. Don't forget that! Your home depends on his income (as opposed to you being dependent on him) AND your home depends on your making it a nest for all who live there. That is a team. I am not in your situation because I am 38, have a college degree and worked a cushy job in academia. I walked away for our family. He works two full time jobs and we struggle to get gas in the car. Wouldn't have it any other way.

    Answer by fohtrae at 11:46 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • PS I didn't go to college until I was 22. It took me until I was 32 to get my degrees. At your age I was working very hard on destroying my life, and had NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING so beautiful as a precious child to be responsible for. My point is, I have worked and struggled, and been on the streets, and so on, pulled myself all the way through (remember the "things do get better comment"?) some awful times. Depression, loss of my family, homelessness, etc. I could be pulling in a very, very comfortable living right now. I believed by the time I was 30 that I would never conceive. But miraculously, I had my first at 33, and my second at 35, and I dropped it all for them. I am struggling financially as bad as my early 20's, but these days will never be replaced later. I can always upgrade my home and things later, but the kids keep getting older RIGHT NOW.

    Answer by fohtrae at 12:29 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Well, first of all...I am very sorry to hear that you have no family support. That has to be very hard at your age. Anywho, there are things that you could do to start earning money and get busy doing something. Try babysitting. Place an ad in Craigslist and in your local grocery store..near the exit or customer service desk. If you start making money babysitting you can save some of it to get a car, take the test and get your DL. If that does not work why not try to work close to your home and apply for DES Daycare. They will help with daycare expenses and that will give you more money to work with...Contact some of your local churches too. They may have information that can help also...Good luck sweetie and if you need help, Contact me her on Cafemom. I will help anyway i can......:)

    Answer by gogogirl79 at 12:52 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • It sounds like you are making a list of reasons you cannot do something and feeling bad about it instead of looking for ways that you CAN do what you wish to do.

    Getting married and having kids so young does not have to be the end of the road for your personal achievments. Make a list of goals .. you seem to have a pretty good list going already.
    1. Study for and get my GED
    2. Get a job outside the home
    3. Get a drivers licence
    4. Start a savings account and save X amount by X date
    5. Build a stong family (I say this bc you are even if your extended family is no supportive)

    Write down Everything you want to do even if it is 100 things... You may not accomplish everything on your list, but work toward it. You can study online for GED and pick your test date. Write family goals w DH so that you are committed to working on them and supporting each other. Goals should be positive and realistic (possible).

    Answer by Niki_sd at 1:04 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

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