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My 30 yr old son doesn't want to work since his dad left. His dad was verbally and physically abusive. What do I do?

I left my husband verbally abuse me for 34 yrs. He left after trying to kill me to live with his daughter and now wants to come back -say's he's sorry. Our son learned his abusive traits and since his dad left he hasn't work-just lay's on the couch sleeps and watches tv while I work at our business 7 days a week. I'm trying to figure out what to do with the husband(take him back or what and then deal with the son) can't get into counseling for 2 months--what do I do?

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luckylinda605

Asked by luckylinda605 at 11:27 PM on Oct. 4, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (31)
  • don't take back hubby under any circumstances and kick your son out, he's 30 for christs sake, tell him he has until the end of the month
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 11:28 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • agreed..... dont take the man back and tell your son you're sorry for what happened with him but it's time to move on and change your life instead of using it as an excuse.... and kick him out
    FITmama2B

    Answer by FITmama2B at 11:30 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • I can understand how it did affect him , i had a similar story but just to lay n watch tv all day, thats just plain lazy, Son needs to move out, hes there because you are allowing him to do that, not because of his father, my brothers are the same way w/my mother.She wont throw them out.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 11:34 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • agreed with above. Don't take your hubby back and tell you ADULT son that he can either start working and paying rent in 30 days or he can get out...put it in writting along with an agreement that if he gives you any lip that he is out automatically.
    tntmom1027

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 11:34 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Even if he has started talking to the pastor and a counselor? Although when he talked to a counselor before he didn't tell the truth because he never wants to look bad. He is alway's nice when people are around but when we are alone he would either yell at me so bad he would spit his partial plate out and try to intimidate me or he wouldn't talk to me. Said that he wanted to pueck when he looked at me. He has been gone for 5 weeks and still hasn't got a job--expects that I'm suppose to pay for everything and that he didn't take me serious when I wouldn't let him back in the house.

    luckylinda605

    Comment by luckylinda605 (original poster) at 11:35 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • don't let him back it's not healthy for nobody and if your son was affected by it then do you think it's worth having him back? our kids are our kids no matter what age...just support your son and try to get that counseling ASAP or at lease don't take him back until you have talked to the counselor and have her advise...
    iNk-FrEaK

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 11:35 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Kick his ass out and don't take your hubby back. For hell sake his 30 years old it's time to grow up and be a man and move out and take care of himself. Especially if he's being abusive he'll be out on his ass fast if he was my son.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:36 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • It is so hard not to feel guilty. After being caught in the middle of the son and husband both trying to control me--I sometimes don't know what I want myselt--but I know that what my husband and I had was no life(haven't had sexual relations in 20 yrs either. It is scary but I am not shaking as bad. I would like my son to get some help so he can have a better life--but it is basically his choice right?
    luckylinda605

    Comment by luckylinda605 (original poster) at 11:42 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • Congratulations on leaving your husband over verbal abuse after 34 yrs. I know this was hard on you and your children. The fact that your son has learned his behavior over the years isn't exactly a good thing He's old enough that he needs to be out of the house. The way I see it, he is an adult and should be taking care of himself instead of living off other people. I hope he goes into counseling, he really needs it. I'd give him a time frame on getting out of the house or kick him out after 2 months (that's just my estimate, change it to whatever you feel is right), he needs to learn that he can't expect other people to keep him up.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:46 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

  • How do you start a new life without feeling so guilty or second guessing myself? I know that my son needs to move out and start being his own man--I try to talk to him but he just starts beligering me-just doesn't listen, then throws threats at me that he should own 40percent of the business--I can't understand why he is doing this? When his dad was here, his dad was always trying to fight him, they both were threatening to call the police on each other but then would sit down and watch a football game together like nothing ever happened? This all happens from not standing up for myself?
    luckylinda605

    Comment by luckylinda605 (original poster) at 11:57 PM on Oct. 4, 2010

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