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should i push my child to overcome her fear of hieghts ?

the youth choir director at church has invited them to join the youth choir for ages 2nd grade and up ( they are in the first grade) the older twin would like to join but not with out her sister. her sister's only objection to joining is going up into the choir loft at church. should i push the issue to help her overcome her fear ? thank you

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Asked by chris13 at 12:19 AM on Oct. 5, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 10 (456 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I would encourage but not push. Ask her what her concerns are and tell her if she wants help trying to overcome her fear that you are there for her. I think this is all you can do. You don't want ot push to hard or talk about it too much because you could make the fear worse.

    Answer by theutilitarian at 12:39 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • At first, based off the initial question, I'd say 'no, don't push her' but with the description, I think it would be perfectly acceptable to try to get her over that bit of fear. I have a fear of trusting my own balance due to an incident when I was 2 (yes, I remember this) where I fell through a vent from the second floor to the first floor. Ever since, if I'm faced with a situation where I have to depend on my own ability to keep me from falling, I freak out. So I can understand the fear of the height. You may just need to take her up there to assure her she cannot fall. I wouldn't PUSH her to do it, but help guide her to conquer it herself.

    Answer by Cenchan at 12:42 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I would but not to the point of trauma.

    Answer by Melbornj at 1:18 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Instead of pushing the sister that doesn't like heights, why not encourage the other sister join anyway. The sister that's afraid may want to join to be with her sister, but even if she doesn't it's healthy for them to have separate activities and interests.

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:23 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • You can encourage her, but try not to push too hard, because if it backfires, it will end up with your daughter not trusting you completely for a while and holding resentment.

    Answer by WomanWitty at 7:55 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Tough call--it depends on WHAT is causing her fear of heights. If it's more of a rational-thinking type of fear--just the thought of falling, like most people have--then that can be worked through. If it's a true phobia type of fear, there probably isn't any amount of talking or encouraging you can do to stop it.
    I have a fear of heights. It's actually a physical feeling I have--when I start getting high up, I become very, very dizzy (vertigo) and start losing my balance or I drop to my knees involuntarily. My parents said I was like that since birth; they noticed even as a baby that if they lifted me up over their heads like people do w/ babies when they're playing, I would become frantic, grabbing at their heads and screaming. To this day, I can not ride up on escalators, get up in treehouses, or ride up in glass elevators. I don't think there's a darn thing my parents could have done to help with this.
    Good luck!

    Answer by vicesix at 8:55 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Encourage both of them to overcome their fears -- fear of doing something without the other twin's company, and fear of heights. They both may find that it's not as bad as they thought it would be.
    I would push the one who wants to join to do it alone, before I push the other to do it for someone else's gain.

    Answer by RedRowan at 10:23 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I wouldn't push too far.  A fear of heights can be because of actual virtigo (the feeling of being dizzy when up high).  When I'm up high I feel so dizzy that I think I'm going to fall even when I'm safely behind a wall or something.  It's very disconcerting and, as a kid, would have freaked out if someone forced me to go somewhere high that made the vertigo worse.

    But it wouldn't hurt to try and get her into the choir loft to show her that it isn't as scary as she is thinking.  I also agree to encourage the other twin to join choir alone.  It's good that they have separate interests and do things apart.


    Answer by justanotherjen at 11:16 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Never push! Gently encourage but never force it.
    If she cannot overcome her fear of heights right now, then perhaps later.

    Answer by Roadfamily6now at 3:09 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I think gentle encouragement and maybe even a little bit of bribery might help. You know what your child's limits and boundaries are, if you think you can give gentle nudges and offer some kind of "incentive" for confronting fears, go for it.

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

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