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6 Bumps

Should you stay in an unhappy marraige for the kids?

This isn't me. I already dealt with this and I didn't stay. but I'm curious as to what everyone else will say.

 
BigfordBrat

Asked by BigfordBrat at 3:53 AM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (4,892 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I guess it's ok, as long as you have the understanding that your kids will be spending every other weekend, every other holiday, and a big chunk of summertime with your ex. You will have ZERO control over what happens to them and to whom he exposes them to...think new gf's who might eventually turn into wives, who make new families so your child now just visits his or her dad and his new family. Your finances will suffer, your child will suffer, but hey....as long as you are happy, it should be ok. Really?
    My apologies for sounding so harsh and having what I assume will be a very unpopular opinion. I just don't see anybody painting a picture of the ugly reality of divorce. You have to weigh all of the options here and in my opinion, the children suffer more than anybody in a divorce situation. We need to realize this and choose very, very wisely, when we pick a mate, not take a lackadaisical attitude with divorce as an option
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 7:46 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I don't think you should stay just for the kids. Kids arent dumb, they can feel undercurrents of tension, there could be constant fighting. My parents stayed together for us kids and I hated the last 5 years I lived with them because of it. They are both doing so much better now that they finally seperated. They waited til me and my older sister moved out to decide it was ok to make a break and my brother went with my dad.
    cassie_kellison

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 3:59 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Absolutely not, unless you want your kids to grow up without ever having seen a healthy relationship/marriage. I would rather be single and have my kid see me happy than in a bad marriage and have my kid think it's normal to be miserable!
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 4:09 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Im in this situation. We keep going back and forth on whether I am taking the kids and moving home. I absolutely cant stand my husband. It has been over for a long time, but I just think of my daughter's face when she wakes up with her daddy every morning and that is why I am still here. I would be moving across the country and he just wouldnt be able to afford to see them regularly or semi regularly. I mean he is willing to give me child support and such but with what's left over even with a job he would struggle financially himself. We together struggle but are slowly working on that. It is about more than just my happiness, I have to consider my 3 children as well. So it's not as easy as everyone says.
    kjbennett26

    Answer by kjbennett26 at 7:54 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I think it is a personal decision that the person has to make themselves. But I would hope that nobody would ever they think should have to stay because the kids. Everyone deserves to be happy.
    ajc88

    Answer by ajc88 at 4:15 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • No. I used to think otherwise but after almost 20 years hubby and I separated. We are in a very bad way financially but we do not have him here freaking out every minute now. My heart is broken but my teens they are starting to understand it.
    mollgirl

    Answer by mollgirl at 5:10 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • No. The kids know mom and dad are not happy. Get out and be happy.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:44 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • NEVER should two people stay in that type of a relationship ~ they are only hurting the kids in the long run.
    NYladybug

    Answer by NYladybug at 6:40 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Nope, because I wouldn't want my child to stay in an unhappy marriage. For me, staying is teaching your child is okay to be unhappy, to not feel love... I want better for myself & more for my child. Simple as that. If things got bad between my hubby & I I would leave him in a heart beat. No reason to be unhappy.
    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 6:52 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Nope. I did it for a few years, as did my current husband. The life gets sucked out of you and makes you a less solid parent, IMO.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 7:43 AM on Oct. 5, 2010