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9 Bumps

could you be in a marriage with no sex, if you have children together - and you don't fight??

Explain your answer???

My dh and I have been together 7 years - married 2. We have 1 son that's ours, and we take care of someone elses son. ( he lives with us/stressful for me) We don't really fight. DH works really hard to take care of us. (i work too, but don't make much) We have always been lacking in the sex dept. I want it. (a lot ) my dh is completely disinterested. I don't know what to do, bc we can't talk about it anymore. We've been talking about it for years. Nothing changes, I just have to live with it. It makes me sad bc I feel like I need it in my life to be happy. Am I wrong? I just keep my mouth shut and never bring it up anymore..... but inside it hurts bc i feel not good enough, and my self esteem is just shot.Explain your answer, I really need advice.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:28 AM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • I am sorry this is the situation. I have heard that Dr Phil's book Relationship Rescue is very good. You could check it out and see what is in it about sexual relations. There is a workbook too. Maybe this could help you and DH. It is a book for couples. GL hug

    Answer by elizabr at 8:31 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • We have been married for 5 and have 1 son. We almost never have sex either. I thinks its because we used to fight although we dont now. I think we both lost interest. We do on ocassion but only because we want another child and without it makes it hard, but maybe only once a month, lol, hence no baby #2. I guess I cant help much because I dont feel I need it to go on

    Answer by lasombrs at 8:32 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • It depends if my dh had a medical condition where he couldnt have sex yes I would stay if he didnt and wasnt interested than probably not.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 8:34 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Honestly, I don't know that I could live like that unless there was a medical reason for the celibacy. I think that Making Love is an important part of a relationship. To me, it draws you together as a couple, allows you to share an intimacy that is only for the two of you, and it is honestly just a whole lot of fun! If I were you, I would explain my feelings to my husband, and ask that we seek counseling for it.

    Answer by mommy11260 at 8:35 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • If he isn't interested in sex, and there is nothing else really "wrong" (abuse, etc) would he have an issue of having an open marriage? I know it might sound crazy to some people, but more people have it than most people think. My x-DH and I had an open marriage and that was the best year of our marriage. Our divorce had NOTHING to do with it or with sex. Think about it, how you feel about it and how he might feel. It gives you the physical attention you crave and he doesn't have to give it since he clearly doesn't want to for whatever reason. GL hunny!

    Answer by Babylove76 at 8:37 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • yes, i have about the same situation as you, except we have 3 kids together. if it's something that's really impacting your life, talk about a seperation. that's what i did..... told my husband i wanted a seperation and iwas looking at places to rent for a year. that is what really made it hit home for him. that made him realize that it was a huge deal to me and that all my years of 'nagging' were not just to annoy him. it was not an empty threat.....i was actually planning on moving out. then we had a serious talk and he promised to change. i told him he was on a 3 month trial and i was still making plans so i could move out if he went back on his word. he kept his word though and now he's much better. haven't seen him actually care about anything besides work in years. sex is something very important to a marriage, and you're right. it hurts to be constantly rejected by your spouse. so my advice is to (cont'd)

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • speak up and get serious about it. do a seperation and in the meantime go to a counselor or maybe he'll have a serious change of heart like my hubby did. but keeping quiet won't make anything better. gl!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • You should not have to feel this way, maybe there is a reason he's not wanting to have sex, maybe he needs to see a docter after all it's not normal for men not to want to have sex. Could he be getting it elsewhere, if not it may be a medical condition he doesn't want to tell you about. Definitely speak up! You need to feel loved and cared for and you need to make that clear to him. He needs to see a docter or couselor and if he really loves and cares for you he will. You have to address this problem though don't ignore it.

    Answer by Momabear455 at 8:42 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Honey I am in the same boat as you. DH and I used to be rabbits in high school and just after, but in our early 20's the sex just grew farther & fewer between. I know he loves me, but any time I try to turn him on he turns me away. Eventually I just told him, "well, I'm an open door if and whenever you ARE interested." and I'm just left waiting for him to come to me when he's ready. Then I get pissed when I find dirty movies in his DVD player. It DOES hurt. We went to a sex therapist and she was suprised by his low libido at such a young age. I think it's psychological. I happened to be watching "strange sex" the other night on TLC (or discovery health? not sure.) and I saw a couple who was going through this - his doctor diagnosed him with "sex anorexia" or something... it's a condition where your sex drive is lowered later in life because of events that hurt you earlier in your life, with the parent of the opposite sex.

    Answer by MamaLisa1976 at 8:42 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • well I have explained my feeling to him A LOT, many times over the years.... I think fighting or even talking about it makes it worse. We only have sex on special occasions, bc he knows i want to.... I think he does it bc he probbly feels obligated - which is sad and doesn't make me feel great. when its so few and far between it makes it awkward and not fun or enjoyable. (big sigh) theres no medical condition. he "takes care of it himself plenty" - if you know what i mean. :( he used to have a problem with "adult material" (i call it a problem - bc it affected our relationship and left scars) he ALWAYS used that, instead of me. I got really depressed. I better now. I give him space, i go out, i work out every single day bc i feel like i have to compete with the centerfolds.... i'm really stressed out and upset/ sad about it. i don't want to live my entire life this way. it never changes. i dont know what to do?

    Answer by Tiffany8168 at 8:43 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

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