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overcoming my mother...

my mother was a grouchy couch potato. i assume she was probably depressed. she was a bit harsh with discipline. belts, shoes, spatulas on our bare butts...that type thing. she even slammed us into the wall or slapped us sometimes. i am a mother to two beautiful boys one almost 3 and one 5 months. i find myself having to fight with my mother. i don't agree with her parenting choices, and i don't spank my kids. i try to be active and part of what interests them. i do find that i have to struggle to be nice. when my preschooler acts out, i have to talk myself through the inccident and make sure the words comming out of my mouth are kind. it is a struggle some days. any advice on how to be more kind and peaceful? does anyone here relate to my story?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Oct. 24, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (4)
  • all i can say to you is that you should be proud of yourself. every child is challenging, and you are being very responsible and mature by not only recognizing that you don't want to follow your mother's style of parenting but that you take the time to think before reacting. i'm glad you are able to break the cycle of abuse. good for you for sticking to your guns with your mom... i know it's sometimes hard for me to do that without feeling like a bad child. you obviously feel very strongly about your parenting choices, as you should.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:54 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • Having to discipline is NOT a nice thing to do, thus it really can't be done with "nice" words. However it can be done, in an non yelling way, with a tone that it clear that what they are doing is unacceptable and why.

    I don't worry about saying thing in a "nice" way. I just make sure, I'm NOT yelling on the top of my lungs,I'm facing them and we are eye to eye....even if it means I have to get down on my knees..

    Tone matters, and what is said matter: what not to do and why. It needs to be a firm NO and why! (in my opinion of course)
    SAHMinIL

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 5:57 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I agree with both of the above posts. Keep up the good work. Dealing with a mother or mother-in-law's idea of how you should raise your children can be down right difficult at times. Stick to your guns. Your children will one day thank you for it.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 8:30 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I really can relate to you. My mother is not here with me (because she's really far away, and still alive) to tell me what to do. But she is inside of me. She always yells, let her anger out on me and my brother when we were young. She is not a bad person, she just didn't know any better. Many times when my daughter acts up, my first response is to get angry, and slap her. So, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and talk, not yell, to my kid. And, that's not easy. But I really want to break the cycle of her parenting. One thing that helped me is to write down all the characteristics I want my daughter to have. Having a goal helps. I look at the list often to remind myself the bigger picture. Also, I read lots of books, since I cannot rely on my mom to help me with parenting.
    Good luck. You are doing the great thing. And, you are not alone.
    Meachan

    Answer by Meachan at 1:06 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

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