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4 Bumps

I could use some help.

DH and I have been together 9 yrs, 2 kids. We are in our 40's. Known each other since 19 yrs of age. For the most part things are fine...BUT he has a bunch of women who insist on trying to keep contact with him..women with whom he shares a sexual past. I don't think he would ever do anything with them, but he does nothing to discourage them either. He says it is none of my business what he says to them and vice versa. He doesn't have fb or myspace, but he does chat on yahoo messenger. Well if he wants to be open about his chats that is fine, but he doesn't let me see what he is sending them..uses an ipod. I say if you have nothing to hide you would not care if I saw. I think he does it to piss me off..and it does. At 40 something we should be beyond this crap. These women have driven past our house, and told him they saw our boys outside playing and were sad they weren't their kids with him, have sent love letters.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • THey do try to start trouble. He says he would never do anything with them but I say by talking to them, and hiding it from me, he is sending them the messaged that he is open to lord knows what. We fight and fight over this. He says I am petty and jealous, and I need to grow up! What would you do?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:14 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • that is above and beyond normal. that's called being a stalker. i wouldn't put up with that.....he's going to say something wrong one day and you all will be in danger. that's not good
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:14 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • it sounds like he's the one who needs to grow up. and yes, i agree..he's keeping the door open for whatever. it doesn't sound like he's committed to you at all; if he were, he would've said goodbye to all these ladies a long time ago. he's being secretive for a reason, honey. don't buy his bull.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:17 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I would not be able to tolerate that!! I would tell him that this really pisses me off and if he don't stop he can move out!
    Darla47

    Answer by Darla47 at 9:17 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • i would be hurt sounds fishy tell him how he hurting you and if you want to give him a chance to come clean then be prepared
    megancaroan

    Answer by megancaroan at 9:18 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • i could've written this myself. my husband has a couple of stalker exes (that are also married and have kids of their own) but thankfully they've remembered their own families and to stay the hell out of ours. he had to be reminded that his committment is with me now and that it would be totally A-OK to be friends with them if he hadn't taken it beyond that, by sneaking behind my back on the internet and exchanging less than appropriate words with the two homewrecking whores (who both were fully aware of our marriage, we all went to highschool together). i gave him an ultimatum and basically said either choose your manwhore ways and be a single man all you want or leave the two sleezes alone and be a real committed man to your family. he chose family and we haven't had any problems for over a year now. you have every right to know what's going on you two are married. if he says you can't see it that is a red flag for sure! GL!
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:28 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • If he don't let you see it than I am sure he is hiding something
    patsymay84

    Answer by patsymay84 at 9:51 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • seems like he just makes up excuses and turns it all on you when you have fights so that he can cover himself. these girls can be friends from afar (meaning they dont ever come over to your house or associate). but really, chat messengers are for long distant family and friends but not for secretly talking to woman like he does. Since he wont DO nothing with them...then what he's doing is having an emotional affair. his head is so wrapped around these woman, its not on you, thats for sure.

    i like tmn's idea to give an ultimatum "basically said either choose your manwhore ways and be a single man all you want or leave the two sleezes alone and be a real committed man to your family."

    LOVE IT!
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:58 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I had this same issue with my Ex BF. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that i needed to stop talking to all my male friends or he was leaving. Since, i was falling for him i did it. Stupid me!....But, now after 3 years he still has these "other women" in his phone. Although he says he deleted them, now...I don't believe him. Because i found out he was nothing but a liar and a prick!.....That's why he is now the EX BF....Kick his Ass to the curb....You can't win, men seem to do whatever they want ANYHOW!.....REGARDLESS!!!!!!!.......I THINK WOMEN NEED TO GO ON STRIKE......I'M GONNA TAKE A VOTE!
    gogogirl79

    Answer by gogogirl79 at 10:51 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • It seems to me he is leading them on and letting them think it could be something more than what it already is between the two of them. If he had a sexual relationship in the past with them what makes you think he want now. He obviously has something to hide if he won't let you see what they are chatting about and when he is talking to them. If they are just friends why can't you talk to them and everybody just get along. Why are they driving by the house that's something you do if you are still having sex with that person or having some type of relationship with them. If they was just friends they would come up to the house and ask for him and introduce they self. Bottom line if they are friends there should be no secrets and no lies and hiding things period.
    ginabear1

    Answer by ginabear1 at 1:22 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

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