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4 Bumps

What to do ... what to do.. that is the question?

Well I am starting to feel invisible in my relationship and yes I have spoke to him about it NUMEROUS times, and it helps for the moment but then it's back to the same ole same ole b.s. I understand he is really stressed b/c of our financial situation but I don't know what to do about us nemore, all this stress is taking a toll on us, I was thinking about leaving and going to stay with a friend for a few days

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patsymay84

Asked by patsymay84 at 10:59 AM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,935 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • What is happening?
    Is he just ignoring? Not responding? Not considering your opinion? Not having sex?
    Does he need your help with the finances?
    What is going on?
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:01 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • No he's not ignoring me... well to an an extent he's not, I will talk but sometimes he don't listen, or even respond

    I help with finances

    And Sex.. well that is one of the problems too, we use to have the most UH-MAY-ZING chemistry but it's as if we don't even have that anymore.

    His mind just seems to be elsewhere at times and I am beginning to pull away and I have talked to him about this many times. And like I had said it helps for the moment but then it's back to the same shit
    patsymay84

    Comment by patsymay84 (original poster) at 11:05 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I say this a lot. Every marriage goes through ups and downs. If you guys had a good thing, but the economy is causing a lot of stress, I don't think I'd leave. Well, anyway, I didn't leave. My husband and I have been married 22 years. Back in the early 90's we had a really hard time financially. We had just bought a home, I gave birth to our 3rd son, my ex took us to court and cost us about $10.000 in legal fees, and then aerospace crashed here in Los Angeles, and my husband lost his job. He had a hard time finding another job, and when he did it either didn't pay enough to pay the bills, or didn't pay enough & didn't have benefits. We had about 6 years of hell. the stress really took it's toll on us. I felt very much like you do, but somehow, we fought through it, and managed to raise our kids together, buy another home, and actually fall back in love with each other, but even stronger because of what we've been through.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:21 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Money worries are one of the biggest problems in marriages. And guys take it hard b/c of the old-fashioned belief system that men are supposed to be providers. If he feels unworthy, unmanly, etc. then he wont be real attentive or in the mood. Sometimes we have to stroke their egos a little bit. Set aside/ not ignore, but set aside your feelings for a minute, and concentrate on what you can do to put his mind at ease, and respark your relationship. It's better than leaving to stay at a friends. That could make things worse. Sorry if it sounds June Clever-ish, but the mentality I mentioned warrants a litte R-rated June Clever. :)
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 11:23 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • continued:

    No marriage is easy, everyone has rough times, so if you leave him and were to marry again, the odds are that you will have some times that you want to leave. Marriage can be hard work at times, and it isn't easy to stay and just muddle through it, but I think that very often if you do, you end up with a stronger marriage, and a better family.

    Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:23 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • If you know he is stressed this is the time for him.

    When you got married it is for better or worse, By the way this is not the worse. You have to work things out and understand he is stressed. And when you are stressed you are not going to be the same.

    sounds like you are way to needy you need to work on that.

    You work together when things get rough you do not walk away, Every marriage goes though this rough spots you have to learn how to give when needed and maybe if when he comes home to a happy wife he will give a little more. But if he is stressed at work them home, he may leave.

    Been married for 30-years do know what I'm talking about.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:23 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Take some time for yourself to get your head on straight. Have some fun, something that will make you come home smiliing, giggling. A night out with the girls, a mani/pedi, whatever. When he sees you having fun, he'll notice. Or, plan a night for the two of you to do something romantic/wicked/crazy together. It can be renting a sexy movie and planning a meal that you can feed each other, or getting decked out to go watch roller derby. You need to get out of the routine and shake it up.

    Now, if you don't love him anymore or he you, then it's time to start talking about leaving. This is just normal relationship hiccups. If you can learn to work on it, your relationship will be stronger.
    mellonhead

    Answer by mellonhead at 11:24 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • It's kind of the same way for us. My husband has been unemployed for a year (which we wouldn't be in this situation if he had used his head) and it's causing a lot of stress. And I get mad because he sits around all day playing on his computer. So I have to come home from work and do dishes, and make dinner (well we take turns with that) and so on. That adds to my stress. Then I feel ignored because he's so involved in what he's doing. And I freaking hate going to bed alone, but that's the way it always is. I will actually go and get our son and put him in bed with me (if he doesn't crawl in there on his own) just so I'm not lonely. I even almost took the dog into bed with me last night, but I decided I didn't want that to be a habit, LOL.

    But yeah OP, I know what you are going through. But I agree with the advice that the others have given. If your marriage is important to you, work on it. We all have our ups and downs.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:42 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I guess try to me patient, but do what you need to do in order to keep your head level as well.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:06 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • stressed or not.... it's no excuse to treat ur significant other as if they are invisible
    patsymay84

    Comment by patsymay84 (original poster) at 12:10 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

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