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If someone says something like "I have physical disabilities and cannot do some things myself" adult content

Would you tell them:

* You need to do it anyways,
* Why can't you do things, or
* That must be hard to be limited like that!

I have said many times that I have physical limitations and it is very hard for me to HAVE to accept help doing things around the house when I am so young (I am almost 35 yrs old). My help mostly comes from my x/DH who I have never ASKED for his help. He either just does it or tells me he will do it.
My problem is that when I REALLY need his help - he throws a fit at me about me needing his help. He tells me he wants to do it but puts me off in the back burner and helps anyone and everyone else before me. He is right there for little things that could wait, but when it CANNOT wait, he makes me wait! WTF?


Asked by Babylove76 at 11:19 AM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,227 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I understand completely, I do I am physically limited, hell it hurts to walk to the mail box and I'm 41 so it is hard for me to accept my shortcomings and when I do complain or ask for help my 51 yr old husband bitches about his aches and pains and how he MUST be in worse shape because he is older....he tells me how he manages to do his job so i should be able to do mine, which is being a sahm. he see's me limping in pain yet I have to somehow carry the laundry down 2 flights of stairs because afterall he shingled a roof with hip pain so I should be just fine. His pushing me and making me do things for myself makes me mad and it hurts to have no support but at the same time he doesn't coddle me...

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 11:34 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • lol, sorry I meant to say I am TO limited ...sorry

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 11:35 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart talk with him or find someone else to depend on. There are many home health agencies to come help you if you are unable to do certain things. good luck

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 11:21 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Having somebody depend on you to do basic tasks can get annoying. I'm not trying to be rude but you need to see it from the other person's perspective. It can get on your nerves at times - I think most can relate.
    He's your ex? That's really nice of him to help you out and since you say you never ask for his help then maybe you need to start asking for what you really need done instead of complaining that he does what you don't need done. Make sense?

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 11:24 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • It depends on the situation I suppose. What are your physical limitations & why? And it would also depend on what you are asking him to do. He may feel pushed..

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:27 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I am waiting to be accepted for in home health care, but in the mean time....when I do things for myself I literally cannot walk. I do everything on the floor: dishes, making dinner, etc. It's hard, it hurts but I do it. He, doesn't like to see me do this so he will just come and take over. I appreciate his help and I do not complain about it. We get along better than we ever did married. 10 yrs ago, when we first met he was on meds for his bi-polar that messed him up and I would have to shower him, bring him to the toilet, etc (for better or worse/sickness and in health, right) well he tells me that it's his turn to help me now. I don't complain! I DO complain and feel hurt when the really major things I HAVE to have help with - he falls apart!! He puts everyone else ahead of me then! Otherwise he puts me first! I need him to put me first when I really absolutely have to have it! Can't you understand what I am saying?

    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 11:38 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Sounds as if he is helping out as much as he can and I think that is wonderful seeing as how you two are no longer married. Perhaps you should try to understand that he is doing the best he can just as you are. I hope you get your home health aide because that will help you and your ex out imensly.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 11:44 AM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I had this problem with my husband. my medical problems are ones that medical science doesn't know that much about, and he had a hard time getting his head around that.
    I had a bad time medically a few months ago, and when he saw doctors getting freaked out at how little medical attention I was getting, it opened his eyes.

    Has he talked to any doctors and such about what you need? maybe that would help.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:02 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • ItsMe: that's a good idea. I am taking him in with me at the dr today. I will ask the dr to describe shingles and maybe that might help.


    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 12:04 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Hes your ex, you should feel lucky he helps at all. You should hire someone if you can't do it.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 1:15 PM on Oct. 5, 2010