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YES! My x/DH and I ARE divorced! YES! He (thankfully) helps me immensly! BUTTTTT!

He is a problem when I have an emergency health issue. I almost died when I had a gal stone rupturing my gal bladder. Is it possible he freaks out on me because he's scared for me? He is so helpful and very loving otherwise. I often will be doing home school with our kids and he will come up and massage my feet with lotion, rub my back, etc.
I just don't get the freak out when I need him - please! No bashing! I will be nice as long as I don't feel I am attacked. Sound fair?

 
Babylove76

Asked by Babylove76 at 12:09 PM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,227 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • It sounds like he still really cares for you, & i think the freak out might have been because his affraid to lose you completely. some people just dont know how to act when they dont know what will happen in the end...I think that his just scared of you dieing.
    Chelsdavis

    Answer by Chelsdavis at 12:43 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • That is a very, very odd relational dynamic lol. It's great you guys get along so well together... but then why are you divorced if you do? Very strange to me, but I'm glad it works for you.

    I'd say, in light of the relationship you have with him, it's totally possible that he freaks out on you when you need him the most because he's worried for you. It's either that, or he feels like he is giving everythign he can on a daily basis anyway and when you require even more he can't handle it.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:13 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • sounds like he still cares for you.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 12:11 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Hey whatever works right? But to me it sounds like he really does still care & when he freaks out its because hes a man & doesn't know what else to do wtih his feelings.
    lilmoosesmom

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 12:19 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Believe it or Not- but, i do the Exact same thing to my husband!LOL It is his Anxiety- When something is wrong with my husband i appear to be Very Mad; i'm not but, my Anxiety goes Out of Control- My first reaction usually is- " I'm not dealing with this right now " It takes me awhile to calm down & then i'm O.K. It has took my husband Years to understand why i Freak- Out so bad! Thankfully, nothing really bad has happened!
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 12:29 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • this kind of relationship is not unheard of, my parents are like this.
    I would just talk to him about when you need him. If he can't be there, then maybe he can help you with getting some outside help.
    I don't think you are that strange, you are the mother of his children and he should care about your well being, a lot of ex-husbands don't.

    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:37 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Lol, that's alright OP. This is obviously a big issue for you. I've got one myself and not many people answered my post so i'm still searching for advice. I'm stressed out to and trying to calm down before my fiance gets home from work to, lol. I apologize if I sounded snippy in any of my posts as that was not my intent. Good luck Mama!!
    worriedmommy600

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 12:43 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I think he cares very much for you, but when he can't help you he really doesn't know what to do, so he freaks out. It's normal for some people. Women can be the same way, just no good in an emergency, but really cares and wants to fix what ever the problem is. He sounds like a good guy to me that care for you, just not good in an emergency.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 12:57 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I often find people are shocked that we aren't married. We get along so well now (after knowing each other for 10.5 yrs) we were married for 5 of the ten, and there are so many things we have been through together and it def has made our relationship stronger! It's just frustrating to me to have that 1% problem. Our relationship is better than anyone that I know that is married....that's for sure, I just don't know how to get past feeling hurt when he treats me like he doesn't care when I need him so bad.
    Babylove76

    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 12:19 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • lilmoosesmom: LMAO!! Thanks for the laugh!

    I really didn't choose this relationship and neither did he. We are just very determined to be a united parental unit for our kids. He's looking for work (as is 1/2 of the USA) and he does many odd jobs to get by, but when he doesn't have work, interviews or all his applications are in, he is very involved with our kids and their home schooling. We don't want the kids to feel they have to choose between us. They can have us both and love us both as we both love them!

    In case anyone is wondering though - we do NOT plan or intend to remarry. Neither one of us feel marriage is what it is meant to be and would rather put our energy into doing the work of parenting not getting caught up in the hype of marriage and wedding. It's just not for us.
    Babylove76

    Comment by Babylove76 (original poster) at 12:25 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

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