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12 Bumps

I don't love him any more.....

How do you know when the love is over? And that it is not depression, a marriage rut, or even a bad phase in the cycle, leftover anger and resentment? How do you know for sure that the love is dead?

Anyone have a check-list? suggestions? red flags? road map? bread crumbs? something, anything?

I want to be sure that the love is dead and this isn't just some funky phase.
How do you know?

 
isabellalecour

Asked by isabellalecour at 1:10 PM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 26 (26,599 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • You really need to sit down with yourself and really open up that box of honesty. I know that most of us lock that box up tight to avoid dealing with the real issues, but when it comes to something like this it can be your best friend. Even if it is a hard thing to do. You need to make a list of things that still make you happy about him as a person, him being around, and how he makes you feel. Then make a list of things that anger you, madden you, and make you distant or turned off by him. I'm not talking about him leaving socks on the floor, or him not putting down the toilet seat. I'm talking about behavior patterns, romance, emotional and mental signs that you once had that might not be there. Then really be honest about what you've written down. It'll be clear to you when you write it all out whether it's still there or not. talking to him as well might help.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 1:41 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I THINK you would just "know" in your heart - you could try making a list of pros and cons for one thing - how your life would be with or without him - are there children involved? how would this affect them? are you infatuated with somebody else right now? could this just be a "phase" you are going through? ask yourself the "hard" questions - how would your life be without him - better or worse?
    i think it's really important to question yourself and find out if you are interested in another man right now and are just bored with your hub and wish you could have a more exciting life - you could go to marriage counseling and try to work it out - at least you would know you had tried - and not just walked away ...good luck!!
    kaysimon132461

    Answer by kaysimon132461 at 1:17 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Why don't you try ruling out all the possibilities you just asked in your first paragraph. See your doc and talk about depression. Try mixing things up in your marriage, go on a trip, plan a date night. What about talking to your hubby and seeing how he feels?
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 1:17 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Some great advice here. I hope you take some of it and work everything out! =)
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:43 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • You know, me and my dh have only been married for 8 yrs, but we have fallen in and out of love with eachother several times in those years. Each time one or both of us fall out of "love", we stubmle, fight and crawl our way through it (probably more due to pride then anything else), and we come back through the other side more in love them before. The mushy love feeling comes and goes, but "love" and "marriage" is based on choice. I have found that when I "choose" to love dh dispite the fact that my emotions say other wise, that those "emotions" change.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 10:47 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Personally I think some ppl think that love eachother and are married do just get in a rut and not know it. My hubby and I split 6 months ago because he did not want me anymore & he did not want to try to work it out & I think we are still meant to be together. I would say go to counseling & see if the reasons u fell in love in the first place are still there or go back 2 dating again I have heard of several ppl doing that and then they ended up together forever. Please don't just give up on the relationship give it a chance. If he and u don't seem interested in working it out anymore & don't feel like u still love eachother or are compatible and u might be happier with someone else then maybe its time to move on, but I feel like I made a mistake in leaving my husband & I cant take it back now. I mean the thing is that he was already with someone else tho & I could tell he also cared 4 her, so I let him go.
    mama2005

    Answer by mama2005 at 1:24 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • For me I just knew...when he wasn't coming home and I wasn't coming home and we had our own things going on without one another...we were done...
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 1:29 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • When you know in your heart you can live without him and be happier being alone....see a DR first about the depression, rule it out or get meds then see how you feel from there
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:47 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • For me, I knew because I felt like I couldn't be myself around him anymore. He was overbearing and I made excuses. My family and friends told me that I was happier and myself when he wasn't around me (which wasn't very often). I felt that if I didn't have my son, I didn't want to go right home after work some days. I knew that it would be hard on my own with a child, but that I'd be happier not being with him and his issues and negativity all the other crap.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 2:55 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • yeah well before you choose to get out of the relationship you should talk to your hubby & see what is bothering you & see if you still have feelings yeah go out on date trips spent quality time together see if the sparks are still there i hope you find what it is to help you out good luck
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 3:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

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