Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

7 Bumps

Getting permament birth control with husband knowing?

My SO and I have 4 kids in total. He has one from his previous marriage and we have 3 together. I don't want anymore but he wants another one. He refuses to listen to my reasons. Sayings it's my job as a women to have as many babies as the man wants. He refuses to get a vasectomy. With this attitude I especially don't want another child with him. I only wanted 2 kids but our 3rd was a surprise. My husband had to go out of town for a few months for work.
My question is should I get the procedure down without his knowledge? It's either tubal ligation or that new thing called Essure.
I'm tired of arguing with him about this. He refuses to listen to me. My last pregnancy was hard and I had to get a blood transfusion after I gave birth to our daughter.
Will it be wrong to do this?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • Your body. Your choice. Simple as that. If he argues it again, don't get bullied by what he has to say about it being the woman's job to get pregnant and have as many kids as HE wants. It's crap. If you want to get it done, then do it! If he gets mad about it, tell him what I just said: "It's my body, so it's my choice." He can deal with it or not. It'll be easier on BOTH of you if he just deals with it. Good luck!

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:31 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • wow this is a hard one sweetie...personally I would do what I feel is safe for me mentally and physically so I would do not telling DH is a hard one for me because we have a no secrets policy in our home...but with all the issues you have had with your last pregnancy I see it may be a safe choice for yow...gosh....I would do it period...and that may have to be the first and only secret I would have to keep...

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 1:33 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • wrong as in it'rs wrong to lie to him only because it seems like he WILL find out - right in the sense that it is your decision..

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:33 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • did he really say that??? its your job as a women to have as many babies as the man wants hahahaa.. I would still be laughing at this.. um is it wrong to do this? Yes. What would happen if he were to find out? like look in to it given you will never be pregnant again.? insurance records? Recovery time at all?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:32 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I couldn't do that. I couldn't live with a secret as big as that. You need to come to an agreement.

    Answer by mompam at 1:32 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Hmmm. Here they need the spouses's "permission" before they do sterilization.
    i hear you reason for wanting it. I fear the argument over whether to have anymore and you getting your tubes tied could end your marriage unless he's able to see reason.
    Your husband sounds like a sexist pig!

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I think its your body so go for it :)

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 1:33 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I agree with _Tam_

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:33 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I think if you have to think about doing something like this is in secret, then your marriage is headed in the wrong direction. It's not fair for him to make you have more children but it's also not fair to do something like that behind his back. I would just refuse to sleep with him until you could come to an agreement.

    Answer by kamsmommy17 at 1:50 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I would make that decision as a couple. Sorry.

    Answer by xxlilmomma09 at 1:52 PM on Oct. 5, 2010