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Is MIL Playing Games?

As soon as we bought my daughter home my MIL wanted us to take her to public outings, and over to her home all the time. The problem? Preemies can't go out for months and can't be in crowds of people. I felt her social status was more important then the health of my daughter. I put my foot down and told her that she needs to worry about having a relationship with her granddaughter instead of pleasing her friends at church. My daughter is now one, and my husband and I are really into spending family time. The last time we were visiting she stressed how she would like to see the baby more often. I told her all she has to do is give me a call so I can get the baby ready and she's welcomed. She's yet to call me. Instead she calls my husband and gives him a guilt trip. I feel his mother is playing a game she will continue to lose. I've explained my feelings to her, but she doesn't seem to get it. Thoughts

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Carmiesmom08

Asked by Carmiesmom08 at 6:37 PM on Oct. 24, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • We have the same MIL!! And after 7 years it's still that way.... DH has just learn to accept that his mom doesn't want anything to do with his family, and we just leave it at that......

    When she used to call him he would tell her well just call (insert my name) and she'll set something up with her......and she never called...and stop calling him. Now we only see her at Christmas even though we live 20 minutes from each other.
    SAHMinIL

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 7:08 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • I was in a similar situation in the past. Be very careful. She may try to turn your husband against you. like my MIL did. Make sure he knows what she says to you and what you say to her and becareful not to say anything you would not want your husband to know about. Make sure he has your back in regards to her. Be careful not to make him feel like he has to chose between the 2 of you. Also, to keep the conflict to a minimum, have your husband with you when you talk to her.
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 7:15 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • That'a exactly what I've done amydh. He's realizing that his mother isn't as genuine as he's always thought. She's over stepped her boundaries too often with me, amd I don't trust her any more.
    Carmiesmom08

    Answer by Carmiesmom08 at 11:43 PM on Oct. 24, 2008

  • He is going to have to be the one to talk to her, at this point or she will never back off. He is the one who has to set the boundaries for her and then be firm when she crosses the line. She WILL keep pushing the boundaries if HE let's her get away with it. HE has to stand up to her! That part was hard for my Husband. He' a bit of a Mama's boy. Lol But she will make your life hell if you let her get away with it! My husband and I almost split up over the stress from dealing with my MIL!
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 1:27 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • OMG. i think our mother in laws are related cause mine does the EXACT same thing. and its such BS. my dad is in the united states 3 months out of a year, cause of his job, and he came down for the weekend to see my daughter, and my MIL came the day after bitching about not seeing my daughter and then she has thee nerve to not show up to take me and my girl to my daughters doctors appt. cause she was having a bitch fit about FOUR days. there was something wrong with my daughters leg at the time, and because she missed her doctors appt. the docs almost had to cut her foot off because of a certain infection she had on her foot.
    kiliki_malie

    Answer by kiliki_malie at 2:18 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • continued...
    i couldnt take my girl myself because my MIL was complaining about being near my daughter, so i agreed into having her take us. and she doesnt show up. idk. she makes no damn sense. and she has the nerve to still give my husband a guilt trip.
    there are so many other stories that i could tell you. lol. but now, i dont talk to his parents. i dont see them,and i dont think they deserve to see my daughter either. its unfair, but hey. my baby girl almost lost her foot because of their selfishness. so they can kiss my a s s. =D
    kiliki_malie

    Answer by kiliki_malie at 2:18 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • gosh i wish you lived near me. my husband is in the navy, so i susually have to deal with this on my own. and i need secret hide outs. lol.
    i just dont play her game. i dont get mad. and if i do, not infront of her. i just simply cut her off from my family. and that drives her crazy not seeing a reaction from me.
    kiliki_malie

    Answer by kiliki_malie at 2:23 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • My MIL used to call my DH and tell him to come alone, so she could b***h about what I had done. I would ask him not to go, but he felt obligated. The last time she did this was on the day of my baby shower (which she didn't attend) because she wanted to do her own special shower for me. (I only have so many friends and didn't want to invite the same people to another shower). I told my DH I didn't want him to do this again. So once again I "misbehaved", she tried this and he didn't show up. She never did it again. But my MIL is all into appearance as well, wanting the baby (he's now 7) to show off to her friends. I'd say just stick to your guns, it's wonderful your DH supports you on this!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 6:34 PM on Oct. 25, 2008

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