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2 Bumps

Myhusband is buying too much.

It is making me sick. I feel like someone with bulimia must feel after a binge. I want to throw up. I have told him a million times so please don't advise me to let him know how I feel, he knows. I am the one who takes care of the bills so I am the one who stresses out everyday trying to make things stretch. Of course we have good credit, because I am very careful, and he uses that to buy his "toys". I have tried to let him take over the bills and he can't do it (or just doesn't want to). Everything will easily fall apart. I am losing respect for him as a man and protector of his family. He is great otherwise. He does provide well for us and works hard. He is a great father also. It is just this. Not sure what else I can do. We are getting deeper and deeper into a hole that we are not going to be able to get out of.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:01 PM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Money & Work

Answers (10)
  • Take away his credit cards/atm card/check book and tell him that since YOU are the one who pays the bills, YOU are the one who controls where the money is spent. If he wants to take over paying all the bills and making your budget work, THEN he can have his cards and check book back.

    Or give him an allowance and tell him that if he wants to spend his money on toys like a child, then he'll have to save up his allowance like a child.
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 8:05 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • If you cover all the bills, he may not see how his spending truly effects the family. Many guys feel they deserve to treat themselves because they work hard for the family. If he has to consider the power bill before he buys, he may buy less. We had to start doing bills and budgeting together, too many mistakes were being made with just one of us involved in managing the family funds.
    silversmom

    Answer by silversmom at 8:06 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I completely know how you feel!!!! I give mine an "allowance". I pay the bills first, keep his debit and credit cards in my wallet, account for grocery shopping, and take out about $20 for him each paycheck. He likes to buy coffees and bagels in the morning. Of course I don't feel sorry for him because he could easily eat breakfast at home and bring coffee. If he wants something special he has to tell me at least 2 weeks in advance so I can plan for it. My dh goes through periods of good and bad judgement so I treat him like a kid because one random slip up is too much for our tight budget! lol
    katie23

    Answer by katie23 at 8:08 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Since words aren't getting across to him, take further action. You say you pay the bills. Cut up the credit cards and give him a monthly budget for transportation, lunch, etc. And when his money runs out, that's it.

    If your financial future is as important as you say, he should understand that he can't be selfish. You and the children need/want things as well. In addition, you should save a percentage of your income every month to cover home & car maintenance, repairs, emergencies, etc. Take a look at Suze Orman's Debt Eliminator & Expense Tracker tools at http://www.suzeorman.com/igsbase/igstemplate.cfm?SRC=SP&SRCN=layout_suzetools&GnavID=110
    web4u2

    Answer by web4u2 at 8:20 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Get your own checking account that he cannot get into, give him some for gas to and from work and maybe 20 or so a week to play with. If he wants his toys he will have to find a way to save for it. I know how you feel, while mine doesn't get toys he does go through the checking account as if it were just there for him to spend. I too, pay the bills. If I had a car I would have gotten me that second checking account long ago. Hope this helps.
    akamomof275847

    Answer by akamomof275847 at 8:50 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Call the credit card company to lower the credit limit. He needs help on how deal with money so get him some counseling sessions.  

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 10:07 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • sounds like all you can do at this point is cancel those credit cards! you don't want to get so deep in debt that you just can't get out.
    Kainalu55

    Answer by Kainalu55 at 11:12 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Show him a list of your household income and your household bills including estimates (slightly high) for groceries, fuel, utilities, and cell phones.

    Then TOGETHER decide how much that he can have for fun stuff. That way he agreed to it and so did you. It's not a parent child relationship, this is a marriage. Decisions need to be made together. Ask that you both cut up the credit cards and save the debit cards for online purchases and fuel. Switching to cash will help both of you stick to the budget and it saves you money (studies show that you spend less money when you pay with cash.)

    Good luck! I hope things work out well for you guys :)
    Erica_Smerica

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 11:39 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Show him what the expenses are versus what is brough into the household. If that doesn't work, then you'll have to control all the spending.
    HotMama330

    Answer by HotMama330 at 12:24 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Make him stop! Cut up the cards. Do a budget together and stick with it.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 3:04 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

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