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What should I do with my 9 month old daughter who seems too clingy?

I have a 9 month old baby girl who is always wanting to be held, it interferes with my doing household chores & me taking care of my other 2 year old daughter. I love her dearly but shes too attached, no one wants to babysit for me cuz she will cry 5 mins after I am gone & keep crying. She refuses milk from a bottle & a sippy cup. Every time I hold her & put her down to play shes starts to fuss & cry. Sometimes I let her cry for a bit, but then I would feel like this bad mommy who wouldnt give her the attention she deserves! I am usually home alone with my two girls & my DH is working during the week. What kinda advice can you give me to help me establish some independence for my 9 month old baby?

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navajomama7

Asked by navajomama7 at 8:17 PM on Oct. 5, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 17 (3,445 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • She will grow out of it eventually. Try wearing her while doing what you have to do. She loves her mommy and feels safe with you. Do you blame her. Just love her more and keep in mind that soon, she will want nothing to do with you and being held.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 8:19 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • She's 9 months old, shouldn't she be clinging to you?
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 8:20 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • Purchase a sling. Babies are supposed to be "clingy"! ;-)
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 8:22 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • okay. i am good at this! offer her this AWESOM Ehting, liek a new toy!!! wow or an awesome food WOW.... and let her get absorbed in the textures or flavors.... then begin DOING something... also, when she is napping, GEt out of the room and go do soemthing.. BOTH my children: seven yr old soin and seven MONTH old daughter are already playing independently... you must nod, praise, and encourage the independent play... THIS is developmentally GOOD for them,,, as long as you give your GOOD attention in spurts after they are done playing... anyway, if she cries, say "oh no no!! and try to make her LAUGH... then she will see it is okay for you to be across the room or washing dishes or folding clothes... play music i bet you are not! MUSIC has helped BOTH my kids grow so much. at sleeptime SOFTly, and durign playtime... really offer her something unforgettable to explore liek a box o fthings to take out and she'll forget ya!...
    silverelf

    Answer by silverelf at 8:23 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • This is prime separation anxiety age. You can't teach her to be more independent. She has a healthy attachment to you. Although it feels overwhelming at times she is not "too clingy".


    What to do? Hold her and give her as much attention as you can. Before you know it she will be running away and you'll be complaining about having to chase after her LOL!


    Tead this artcle from kellymom, it has lots of helpful tips on how to stay sane through this: Are you feeling overwhelmed by your child's intense needs?


    "Older babies and toddlers can get really clingy at times. Sometimes it seems as if your child has been nursing all day (or all night), or has been clinging to your leg all day long (even when you go to the bathroom) and you really just need a break."

    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 8:25 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • I never let this happen with mine, but the only thing I know to tell you is to put her down and let her cry it out. If this keeps on for a month or more I would say to take her to the doctor. There is probably nothing wrong with her. It is probably just separation anxiety, but you can never be too careful. I wish you a lot of luck. Get some earplugs if you have to.
    akamomof275847

    Answer by akamomof275847 at 9:44 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • It wounds like normal seperation aniexty. She'll outgrow it. But, in the meantime, yes it can be overwhelming especially with a 2 year old to parent at the same time. Do you have a sling or a wrap? Can you "wear" her while you get things done?

    It *is* ok to let her fuss a little. Put her down with something to entertain herself with. If she fusses, let her for a bit. Don't pick her right up. Dont' feel guilty. It's ok for her to entertain herself. Will your 2 year old play with her? Can she engage her in some way? Is there something they can both while you work to "help"? As older infants and toddlers, my kids would sit in the high chair and play with a plastic bowl and wooden spoon while I cooked, as an example.

    As for going out - start small and build. When your DH gets home, go out for a 1/2 hour. Come back and make a big fuss about returning. When she can do that, extend it. She'll get there!
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 10:25 PM on Oct. 5, 2010

  • she needs to learn that she is going to be okay sat down. it won't hurt her to cry a little. I know it sounds cruel, but this could lead to bigger problems latter in life.
    AshlyN.

    Answer by AshlyN. at 2:43 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Enjoy it! All to soon they dont want their mommy anymore! Babywearing is awesome and definitely helpful when you have other little ones. I can do just about anything while "wearing" my 6 month old. Everyone is so quick to make their child independent...this will come naturally, there is no need to force it. If you need a few minutes alone, put her in her crib and let her cry for a bit. I have 4 children and let me tell you, the younger two I have held more and have been with more and they are already much more secure and able to entertain themselves than my older two. The older ones seem to crave my attention more. It really is a normal part of their development. I would be concerned if she didn't want to be with you all the time! :)
    armyofmany

    Answer by armyofmany at 11:05 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • You encourage independence by letting her continue to do what she's doing! Change nothing. She will become independent FASTER if you don't try to force it. You might invest in a wrap or a sling.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:43 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

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