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what can i do for or say to dh, who isn't used to the "real world"?

my dh is still in school (graduate) and he has never had a "real" job. right now, he is working on his PT doctorate and he is going through "clinicals" in which he has to wake up really early (6:15am) and drive about 40 minutes to the place where he is working for school. he has only been doing this two days and he is not happy. he keeps complaining to me how much it sucks and he's so tired and he only gets 4 hours of free time when he gets home and he's not even getting paid etc. i mean he is really letting this affect his mood.
i work a full time job and have for the past 2 years. i wake up at 2:30am every morning and work till 1:30pm.

part of me wants to tell him welcome to the real world. you're just gonna have to suck it up but i do feel bad for him too. what can i say or do to make him feel better when he has 10 weeks left of this routine? or should i just tell him to just deal with it LOL

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Asked by pmg1030 at 6:54 AM on Oct. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,514 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • School a Hard Knocks like the rest of us, sadly. Often people have to experience things themselves firsthand.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:00 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Probably would be best for you to just keep quiet and let him figure it out for himself that this is how the real world works. You can tell him that you get tired, too, and that you also don't have a lot of free time, but other than that, I think I would just keep mum.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:16 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • LMAO! Me personally, I'd tell him to man-up! But since my hubby gets up at 4:45 for PT every morning, I don't have to. And he doesn't get home till after 6 pm, sometimes way later cause he's acting platoon sgt. He then gets phone calls and texts constantly when he does get home. Then can get a call at midnight for probs in the barracks....not get home til 4:30....
    I think it's kinda funny your hubby is complaining. But, I'm sure you don't, since you have to listen to it. You could tell him he could get up with you. He's got to grow up some time. Maybe start calling him Peter. When he asks you why, call him Peter PAN.

    Answer by Raine2001 at 7:25 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Oh boo to the hoo, 6:15am! When I was in nursing clinicals, I had to get up at 4:30am to drive an hour to get to the hospital and work a 12 hour shift full of scutwork because I was the low man on the totem pole, then drive home again and kid-wrangle for another few hours before studying for classes, passing out for four hours of sleep full of dreams of huge monstrous Foley catheters, then getting up and doing it all over again!
    Dude needs to grow a pair.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:39 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • raine2001-LOL honestly, i feel ridiculous even asking a question like this but i'm seriously at a loss as what to say to him. all i can say is "i'm sorry" "you'll adjust to it" but it doesn't help. he has been a total grump. and honestly, i think he is just being a big baby because his momma never made him get a job through out his school years (and really from the bottom of my heart, i thank her for that LOL) sorry i can be a bit sarcastic at times ;-) but it also worries me, is he gonna be like this for the rest of our lives because he basically doesn't want to get up in the early morning for work? i need to try and nip this in the bud now and figure out if there's anyway to make it better for him so he will take whatever job he is offered (especially in this economy), no matter what the hours, when he does graduate and get certified.

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 7:39 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Fistandantalus- i mean yeah i agree i think he needs to grow a pair seriously. but do i say that to him? or how can i address it without putting him off or making him feel bad?

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 7:59 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Give him time to adjust. Some peole are not morning people. But that's how it is in the working world and once he is done he might be able to work somewhere that has better hours. If it were my DH, after he had time to adjust, I would acknowledge it is difficult and then give him examples of how it could be so much worse. GL!

    Answer by elizabr at 8:14 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • I agree you need to just tell him to put on his big boy pants and man up. My husband gets up early every morning to drive 30 miles to work a ten hour shift and he doesn't whine about it. It is all a part of the real world like you said, sometimes you just need a kick in the pants to get you moving. Tell him you are sorry he is not a morning person, but you are tired of his complaining to be honest and that he needs to grow up already.

    Answer by KTMOM at 8:30 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Honestly? Tell him to nut up or shut up. Let him know that this is part of how the real world of jobs works. Point out what Fistandalus said about her schedule. It might make him feel a little better. The only thing I complain about is the fact that I always feel exhausted after I get home from work, even though I'm sitting all damn day. I'm up at 6am to get ready for work, out the door by 7:30 (providing my nearly 4-year-old is still asleep), at work before 8am and work until 5pm. By the time I get home, I have less than three hours with my daughter (and husband, if he's not working), and then maybe two hours to spend with my husband before I crash out at 10pm to start all over.

    He should realize that little free time after work is typical of a real world job and he needs to get used to it.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 9:12 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Let him whine a bit. He'll soon realize that his whining only sets a bad tone for his day and he'll stop once he realizes that no matter what amount of whining he does...he still has to get up early. He is adjusting to his new schedule so give him time.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 9:25 AM on Oct. 6, 2010

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