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please please help me....

My SO spent all of our money on beer and liquor. He keeps promising he is gonna stop and he does for a while and then he has to have it again. It wouldn't be a big deal if he was working and wasn't spending my money on it. We even have a big piggy bank we put change into for our baby and when i don't have the money for him he gets into it and spends it. Then on top of it there is this nasty girl that has 4 kids that always texts him trying to get him to sleep with her. The only time he talks to her is when he is drunk. I'm so terrified he will cheat on me. Every time i bring it up we end up fighting really bad. please help. this stress is not good while i'm prego

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on Oct. 25, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (15)

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • rehab or leave him. Not trying to be rude but you have someone else to put first! That little baby needs a healthy environment and it doesn't sound like he can provide it.

    I can't imagine how difficult this must be! Good luck too.

    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 1:58 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • Ditto with both above post. The baby needs you and you have to take care of yourself first. You have a beautiful little one there that needs you to protect them and give them a safe haven. If he won't seek help then you are only enabling him. This must be so awful for you. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Good luck to you. Blessings

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:07 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • Leave him.(Not trying to be mean) He doesn't work, he spends not only your money,but your baby's money and then talks to that nasty girl. You and your baby do not need someone like that in your life. What kind of example will he be for your child. I know its easier said than done,but if there is nothing else you can do, then leave him!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • my mom has a bad drinking problem and she wont quit for me or her dad who is dying of cancer or her only grandchild. as much as you want him to stop hes not going to unless he wants it for him self. you are just going to have to be strong and tell him its the bottle or you. you dont need the stress while you are pregnant and the baby when its finally here doesnt need the stress they can sense it. I hope it works everything works out well.

    Answer by burtney0921 at 2:43 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • Open a new bank account and move your money into a separate account without his name on it. Get direct deposit if you can to your new account in just your name. Tell him until he gets his drinking under control you have to make sure you have money for bills. Don't keep money in the piggy bank anymore. Don't keep cash in your wallet. Don't let him know what your ATM access code is for the new bank account. Do not enable his behavior. Remove all access to money for him. Rehab does sound like the best plan. This is not something that will go away on it's own. I'm so sorry for you, hard choices ahead.

    Answer by Serafyna at 2:44 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • I agree - getting a separate account and removing access to the $ is the best approach. Dont keep any in the house. And if you can, get some counseling for yourself because he will not react very well to being cut off, and you will have to deal with that stress. I hope he gets helps, and hugs to you mama! Stay strong!

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 9:11 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • I agree that you need to get a separate account. Most companies do direct deposit now and it would be the best thing for you. Don't keep any money where he'd have access to it. Set up an account for your child that your name is on and think about how much change you usually put in it a week. Then transfer that money into the account set up for your child. You won't be able to put your baby's name on it until s/he is born but you can have your name on it. Since you won't be carrying cash anymore, you won't have change to put in the piggy bank anyway. Make the pin # something only you would know, nothing he could figure out easily and don't write it down. Don't feel silly about really gaurding your pin when you enter it at the store. Or better yet, just always have the cashier swipe it as credit so that you don't have to enter a pin in front of him.

    Answer by mommalady at 9:33 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • Continued
    I wish you could change him and if he's really serious about it he'll seek the help he needs. Sign up for Al-Anon. It's not only for alcholics but family members of Alcholics and will help you and give you a support system as well. Get some counseling for you to learn how to cope with his behavior and recognize signs things may be escalating. I'm sorry you and your baby have to go through this and I hope that you take our advice. HUGS!

    Answer by mommalady at 9:33 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

  • Get the hell out, you don't have to live with that there are ways to leave, use your resources!


    Answer by lapcounter at 9:57 AM on Oct. 25, 2008

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