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Is death the only way I'll be able to be happy (please read before reporting me!!)? adult content

I'm really unhappy with my life here in NY state. I'm lonely and depressed. All of my family lives in California. The only person I have here is my 2 year old's father, but he isn't able to be there for me the way that I need him to be. He says if I want to move to Cali with our dd, he's ok with it. He and the baby can keep in touch via webcam, letters, phone calls, etc. Financially he could only make it out to Cali 2 times per year (and the baby and I can visit him in NY once per year). Sounds all wonderful, right??

The problem is, he won't realize how much he misses her until she's 3000 miles away. e won't get to see her whenever he wants to like he does now. She may even forget who he is in between visits. How will that make him feel? How will that make ME feel? GUILTY.

When I became a mom, I vowed to put my dd's needs ahead of my own. But I can't deal with my depression any longer. It's killing me. Advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Oct. 6, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (20)
  • If you are not healthy and happy then your child will not be healthy ir happy...and I dont mean ohysically healthy I mean mentally!

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 10:54 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • thats a hard one...i think both parent are equally important in a child life and upbringing but only if both parent are happy...a happy home is a healthy environment for a child...if you feel so low and in such a deep depression then that is not healthy...we always want the best for our children but what many forget is that we need to be healthy to provide happiness to our kids...wish you the best and if your heart is in Cali and you will not be feeling so bad then the best thing is for you to move...

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 10:51 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Where do you live in NY I'll be your friend lol :)

    Answer by kaylan010 at 10:49 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Happy mommy = happy baby. If you are depressed, do what you need to in order to be a happy, healthy mom for your baby. My hubby has been away from his son more than they are together since his son was less than a year old, his son has never forgotten who is daddy is and they have a great relationship. It can work.

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 10:52 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • Please see a Doctor. There are ways to feel better---talkng, medications, etc. and a better diet and exercising. What if tomorrow would bring something really wonderful? What if it doesn't? Anyway, it is still better than death . It could be that death is just nothingness ....I don't believe in .all those fairy tales.I am not expectinganything . THAT is a good reason to live and enjoy the life you have NOW!!!!All we can be sure of is NOW!Do somethijng positive NOW. Live !
    LIFE with your child even if you are lonely has purpose and there are rewards if you look for them. Life is as good as you make it. It sounds like you are expecting too much,expecting HIM to make you happy. ONLY YOU can make you happy. Look for ways to help others...get out of your own head and get out into the world and see if you can stop thinking about YOU...forget your problems.

    Answer by gertie41 at 10:57 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • You can always talk to from cali to and i understand how you feel my son is 16 months and aside from your SO's father saying that you could go live out there and he would stay behind. But you can im me to talk....

    Answer by Shelii at 10:52 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • so what is the point of his leaving?'s just not making sense. He wants you to be happy, more happy with the family you are related to and he will stay where you live now? You will go to Cali. He won't. He wants to go with you later????? Does he mention that? What will the children do out there, can they go to school there, etc. Is any of this being though of also. They are going to be meeting new and different friends, and have new teachers, and of course the family will be meeting them. That IS nice. He may follow you, seems as a male thing, they always follow later. TYPICAL

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • i think you should just visit your family a couple times a year instead of your daughter having to go visit HER father. as depressed as you might be right now you need to think- not only would HE miss her but she would miss him. ever girl needs her daddy. I would try to work on your friend network and work to make your life better. :) Find some new friends, establish a social routine and even if you have to move 20 minutes away to start over- at least your daughter will still haev her daddy.

    Answer by MamaHardy2008 at 10:58 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • I don't want to sound harsh, but what are YOU doing to make your life in NY better for you? Talk to your doctor about treating your depression with medication. Depression is a real nasty thing and you need to get help, not only for you but for your daughter. Stop relying on other people to make you happy. Only YOU can do that for you. Start going to your local park or community center and meet other moms.

    One more thing, until you deal with your depression, not even moving to California will make you happy. I sincerely hope that you get the help that you need. Good luck.

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:14 PM on Oct. 6, 2010

  • well iam not in the same boat exactly, but please dont give up or start drinking.. I am, however, in same unhappy state of mind and in same State in newyork. hate newyork. my son and i live under roof of older negative, grumpy ugly insecure pig man. it is just a ROOF...thats why. if wondering. we have nowhere else or noone else to lean on so there u go. But things always Work out....hahaha one way or another. evil laugh. have a good night. head up.

    Answer by momson666 at 11:18 PM on Oct. 6, 2010