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Am I selfish? please don't bash just give advice. I would really appreciate it

my husband goes to work about 4am he is out the door and returns homeat about 5pm sometimes later and sometimes earlier . Give or take an hour or so. He works in construction out in the sun all day and comes home so tired and just beat. He usually eats and showers and goes to bed and we see him maybe 30 mins while we eat . And he is off on sundays and is to tired to do much with us and out sex life is really suffering cuz of this and all else is too . Am Iselfish for wanting him to sepnd time with our 7 monthold sonand I? He is a workaholic in my mind but I appreciate all the hard work he does to keep us fed and clothed . I just want to know if i am selfish?? We miss him and I go out of my mind never seeing him and hever having him be intimate with me much anymore cuz of his job . and my son never get to see his daddy .

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kimmi85035

Asked by kimmi85035 at 12:25 AM on Oct. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (435 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • yes, you are. and he works too hard. You need to think about that.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 12:27 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • no but he does need to be told by you that you and your son need some time with him. you should talk to him.
    4_28_bbboy

    Answer by 4_28_bbboy at 12:27 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • i have and he seem to think money is more important ,, even if he takes a day off everyonce in a while we wouldnt go hungry . so i try to tell him that there are more important thing is life besides money
    kimmi85035

    Comment by kimmi85035 (original poster) at 12:29 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • im in the same boat . we still manage sex , but i have 2 little babies and my toddler misses him , gotta do what ya gotta do , i just help him by leaving his clothes ready and cooking him brekkie having a coffee at 5 am with him .
    maymummy

    Answer by maymummy at 12:32 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • sounds like he is in a rut, a running on empty rut. Does he have any down time coming up, Columbus day is coming up,,,does he even get that off from work? I can only imagine how lonely you are living this way. You guys need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart talk about whats going on here and how it can be changed. He needs to understand that he needs to have down time with his family too. I say this as a single parent who works full time,,many days over time and I always make time for my kiddos...there is balance and you guys need to find it.
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 12:35 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • yeah i do the same i cook for him andmake sure he has all he needs at home and all clean but i feel me and my son need that connection with him tho . we miss him
    kimmi85035

    Comment by kimmi85035 (original poster) at 12:35 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Its important to balance out you life in his case he needs to balance his work and family time better. Yes money is important but not at the expense of his family. What good is it to work hard if you lose your family of never get time to enjoy them. And you cant possibly maintain your happiness if your always alone. You dont need to feel like your a single parent or end up resenting your new role as mommy. Its impotant that you talk to be sure to explain yourself well and the possible longterm effect on you and your baby. Your not selfish. But when he does make time just dont have him do to much hard labor(chores around the house). Dont want to wear him out any more than what he is.LOL Goodluck
    mymestey

    Answer by mymestey at 12:48 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I don't think you are selfish...both of you needs time to replenish. He needs to understand that just as he needs to rest physically. You need to rest and restor emotionally and mentally. You have to express this to him. We quite frequently get into a "rut" and run on empty out of habit. On Sunday just take the time and kinda pamper him. Love on him. Let him know that you need him to do more that just bring home a paycheck. You need him in everyway...just don't be too pushy with it.
    bakinmomma

    Answer by bakinmomma at 12:51 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Did he have this schedule when you married him? Did you know he'd work like this before the baby was born? If so, then you may not be selfish but naive to think he'd stop. Don't try to change him. Either adapt or tell him you want to go find a guy who wants to participate in the marriage. Keep in mind millions of people are out of work so the fact that he works and takes care of you says a lot about him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • No you are not selfish what so ever, the reason we get married or get in a relationships is cuz we need that connection with someone so we don't feel lonely etc. etc. I know how you feel my husband has been working 12 hour days 7 days a week, I'm going nuts and my boys miss him too, don't you ever feel like your selfish for missing your man. If talking don't work maybe wait it out cuz construction is like a roller coaster it could be going strong one month and slow the next month, the good thing is your man goes out there and takes care of his family, there are tons of men out there that don't want to do anything but sit on there ass drink beer and play PlayStation, good luck and I hope he gets a few days off soon and trust me I'm hoping my hubby get a couple off himself.

    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 12:54 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

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