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What makes it so hard for some (not all) women to just talk to or communicate things with their SO/DH?

DH and I talk and communicate all the time. If I have a problem I tell him. I was always taught that communication with your spouse/SO is the most valuable concepts in keeping a marriage whole and strong. If I am afraid to say how I feel, or what I need, or what is wanted in our relationship I wouldn't have married this man.

 
4_28_bbboy

Asked by 4_28_bbboy at 12:33 AM on Oct. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 22 (12,593 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • I think a lot of it has to do with the way they were raised. I wasn't raised in a home with good communication at all. No one communicated. It hurt my marriage because my husband grew up in the same kind of condition. Now we're on the brink of divorce, my communication skills have improved greatly (I've been reading self help books and taking a Psychology class, and they've helped a lot), but he's past wanting to work things out.

    Some people just don't know HOW to communicate properly, and probably don't even know it. It takes a lot of work for people like that to learn how to communicate well. I know from personal experience how hard it can be. I didn't know that I had communication problems until big stuff started happening all at once.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 1:07 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I think it depends on how the SO/DH makes her feel. I know sometimes I try to communicate some of my feelings to my DH and it seems that he is not getting it or after talking to him I feel worse than I felt before so then it was not worth it in the first place. Or he may get into his feelings and then there is a whole other issue. So some women (myself) included may prefer to keep it to themselves or talk it out with others because it is easier.
    bakinmomma

    Answer by bakinmomma at 12:47 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • OP - This is exactly how my relationship is with my husband. It's nice to know there are other wives out there who have the same kind of relationship with their husband that I do.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 10:11 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • with my first husband I learned pretty quickly not to open my mouth about certain topics & thats why we never communicated. I do not have that problem with my DF now.
    stressedmomma13

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 2:09 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Communication is a big thing. I can admit that dh and I do not communicate as well as I would like. I think that takes time and practice on both parts. I guess we're working on it, im not sure. There are times when I attempt to talk to dh and he becomes irrational and I no longer desire to continue the conversation, so I shut down and shut up. I know that that is not the right way to be. Speaking from someone who understands the importance of communication, I wish that we all could be like some of you ladies. But for the rest of us it is a work in progress.
    4xsthetrouble

    Answer by 4xsthetrouble at 4:16 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • My husband and I are very different yet a lot alike. We have very different ideas about things but we both think our way of thinking is the right way, so whenever I bring something up, he automatically assumes I am trying to start an arguement. It is very difficult bc I wish we did have better communication skills with eachother and we are both working on that.
    littlemd

    Answer by littlemd at 5:44 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I can only answer for me - I was not raised in a household where we discussed how we felt or what we needed. If I showed any kind of weakness I was told to get over it, grow up or just plain ignored. I have learned it's just easier to bottle everything up. It frustrates my boyfriend to no end because he never really knows what I am feeling or thinking. I have been working on it but again, almost every time I try to explain how I feel or what I need or even sometimes just try to talk about my day with him he rolls eyes, walks away or tells me to stop complaining (even though I don't think I am complaining). I've gone back to just not saying anything.
    DeeDee323

    Answer by DeeDee323 at 8:33 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • When we first got together,the communication sucked.But thru out the years he has really worked hard at it.I'm really propud of him.
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 12:06 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Because DH plays the pity game and tosses everything back in my face when I have a concern.. its like talking to a teenager who just happens to be almost 30, it sucks!
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 12:23 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

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