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2 Bumps

how do i rebuild a relationship back with my baby again

i have not been in my little girls life due to depression and an intervention that was put on me , i thought by staying away from my baby i was doing the right thing by her , im moving to be closer to her and be back in her life but im so scared of getting it wrong again , im nervouse around her and i dont even know how to act wen im around her , im starting life all over again from scratch with nothing basically and cant shake the feeling i hav'nt got anything to offer her anymore, im scared of passing on my ditrust of ppl onto her and i never want to let my baby see the pain that ive lived with in my life but wot if i do without knowing it ?? , i would do anything not to screw her life up , i dont trust neone to show me the right way anymore thru wot ive been thru recently by ppl who said they were trying to help me , all they have done is made me doubt myself even more than ever before and make me think i was worthless as a

Answer Question
 
heartlessvamp

Asked by heartlessvamp at 9:13 AM on Oct. 7, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Start slow. Get to know her. You have alot to offer her. You! Raise your head and remember you love her. And you need to love yourself to stay in a positive mindset.
    martinmommy26

    Answer by martinmommy26 at 9:19 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • You took the first step by going back and being a part of her life. It will take time to rebuild trust and show her you can be depended upon. Take things one day at a time and stay away from those people who are a negative influence and want to knock you down for your mistakes. Seek that which is good and strong within yourself so you can start valuing who you are. By doing so, you will be able to perservere in rebuilding this precious relationship.
    MaryWolfe

    Answer by MaryWolfe at 9:20 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • She's a baby. Do not project your feelings onto her! You would be suprised how forgiving and loving a baby is. You just have to go in there and do it. Continue therapy, for sure. Teach yourself not to be negative! You are used to being depressed.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:27 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Just be there, and don't get hurt or upset or feel rejected or anything like that if she doesn't take to you right away - basically, do how you would do if it was the baby of a close friend (a friend you haven't seen in awhile, but you want to be close to her and her baby). Try to play with the baby, hold her, etc - but if she pushes you away, don't get discouraged - just give her a bit then try again. (This is the sort of things that parents who have been deployed do to re-connect with their lo's).

    Also, as far as being worried about it - I would look into counseling to help make sure you don't end up projecting and pushing your issues onto her, and also maybe parenting classes - that way, you could be reassured with what you're doing right, learn how to improve what you aren't doing so hot at, and build your confidence and relationship with your baby all around :-)

    gl - and remember - none of us are perfect
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:34 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • – collapse
    just leave her alone... any mother who walks away from their child and lays the responsibllity on others sounds like they just plain arent needed and you coming back for your own benefits means you are just a selfish person and still does not understand what it takes to be a mother and the meaning of sacrafice. she will have enough issues know ing her mother left her but for you to come in and out her life in my opinion is worse.... try not to get pregnant again... save a poor child from heartache
    miritrose

    Answer by miritrose at 9:46 AM on Oct. 7, 2010 (hidden) + expand

  • Wow - judge much? It doesn't sound like she walked away and abandoned her. It sounds like the pp was struggling with an illness - depression is a real illness, and can cause a lot of problems in a person's life and in their ability to function. Also, I don't know what the intervention was for, but usually, when there's an intervention, there's some sort of hospitalization that goes along with it (whether it's for mental illness, addiction, etc).

    Would you say that a parent that had, say, cancer, so was hospitalized for treatments or had someone else care for their lo while they were going through chemo, and had someone else care for their child, or, say, a parent who was deployed and had someone else care for their child, now is in a position to care for them themselves should "just stay away" and "not have anymore"?

    Not knowing this woman's full situation, judging her totally unfit is a bit harsh...
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 9:56 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Whoa, I think "miritrose's" response is way off and harsh. You are trying here and that has to be respected. Some people don't try at all. If you're unsure, maybe give it more time. Start spending time with your daughter once you have a bit more confidence so that you can be a positive part of your daughter's life. It sounds like you are having a really tough time. Hang in there. Know that if you WANT to be an important part of your daughter's life, and you TRY to be, you will be. :)
    jacksmom1225

    Answer by jacksmom1225 at 9:56 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I am so sick and tired of people who come on here like they have it all figured out, and have diarreah of the brain because they can't see the person face to face. I commend someone who steps away to get help and doesn't involve the child. OP don't allow this person to bring you down, or affect you in any way. There will always be someone that just doesn't get it. Don't try to explain it, some just want someone to put down and it doesn't matter.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:59 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

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