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2 Bumps

Help!

My sister is 34. She has no children or husband, and no boyfriend. She does have a good job, she's a pediatrician. I am 18, just had my first baby, and have been married since 1 week after I turned 18. I love my husband, and we are very happy together. No, we did not get married because I'm pregnant, I got pregnant after we got married. My husband is financially very well off. I'm a stay at home mom, I'm taking some online college classes, but I'm not in any hurry to get my degree, I don't need to work. We want a couple of children, but we plan to wait at least a year. Now, my problem is, my sisters hates my life. She continually tells me how stupid I was to get married young, and have a baby right away. She visited me in the hospital the day my son was born, and told me I should have gotten rid of him, that he was a mistake. I love my sister, but I love my son to. What do I do? I don't want to lose my sister.

Answer Question
 
akyoungmommy

Asked by akyoungmommy at 9:28 AM on Oct. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (99 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • wow end your poisoned relationship with your sister you now have a family of your own to care for and it was your choice.... never take realtionship advice from single or divorced women... enjoy your little family and keep pushing towards a degree
    miritrose

    Answer by miritrose at 9:34 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I'd guess (because of the age difference) that she sees herself in a motherly role, and wants you to have the best life possible. You chose a different path than her, she should be happy that you have a life you love. Maybe you should tell her that she hurt you by saying those things, and you'd appreciate it if she could love and support you. Having different paths doesn't make either one of you "right," just different.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:35 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I think deep down she may be a little jealous because she is not married nor has a child. Just my OP!
    Darla47

    Answer by Darla47 at 9:39 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • If that were my sister, I would tell her that her comments really hurt you. I would also tell her I love her and want her in my life, but if she continues to be negative and tell me my life decisions are a mistake I may have to distance myself from her. I can't have that negative energy in my life!
    twinmama2five

    Answer by twinmama2five at 9:43 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • she is that way because she thinks you made a mistake , she has gone to school and ex[perienced life outside of being a wife and a mother , which by the way is a very honerable position too . OR she is jealous because you have a nice life a baby to love and no worries ( money husband etc. ) that she doesnt have . either way be kind to her ,love her as you always have , and the truth of why she feels that way will come out . and then you can work it out together . you will not have the same kind of relationship you had before but you can still be close and be sisters if you work at it and treat each other with love and respect .
    nanafor5

    Answer by nanafor5 at 9:51 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • If that were my sister, I would tell her to piss off and until she can adjust her attitude and accept my life the way that I chose to live it, she is more than welcome to stay the hell out of it. Just because you didn't do what she did doesn't mean you were wrong or stupid. And if either one of my sisters had ever told me either of my children were mistakes and I should have gotten rid of them, I would have proceeded to beat their freaking asses!

    Sorry, but that just really ticks me off and brings out the language.
    QueenMomma2023

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 10:13 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • This sounds like a couple of things to me.

    First, she may not sound like it, but she's worried about you and really does care about you. I agree that I think you were too young to get married and have kids but if you can make it work for the rest of your life, you have my kudos.

    Secondly, it also sounds like she might be a bit jealous of your life. Before the age of 21, you're married (happily) and have a family. You don't have to bust your butt at a job you hate to be able to provide for your family.

    Give her time to adjust to the fact that you're already living the life that you want. Ten years down the road, when you're still happily married and have your family, she might change her tune. Just give her time. She loves you and is trying to be a good big sister. Her actions may say otherwise, but know deep in her heart that she's trying to look out for you. I would have done the same to my little sister.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 10:20 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I'm all for getting away from toxic people. Tell her that her thoughts, although you appreciate her sharing them with you, are not in line with your views of your life and it's time for her to focus on her life and not be concerned with yours. You're happy, perhaps she's not. I guess as a pediatrician, I would hate thinking that she would think a child is a mistake. SHEESH!
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:41 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

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