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Adult Kids.....

When do u stop feeling like you have to do just about everything ur kids ask and stop feeling guilty when u don't.When I ask for a simple favor from them its an quick no.I'm tired of worrying so much. They are 22 and 25 I also babysit their girls for free.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Oct. 7, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (13)
  • I'm 23 and my mom watches my girls for free.. but I don't take advantage of her and I would do anything for her. We live next door for each other so we help each other out. =).. I would have a talk with them and tell them you are feeling a bit used..
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 10:09 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Parenting does not stop at adulthood.........
    older

    Answer by older at 10:15 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • You never really stop because you care. But it seems to me that you maybe doing a little too much. I know it is difficult but you have to say no sometimes in order for them to accept the responsibilities of adulthood. Watching your grandchildren for free is not a bad thing but there must be a limit or it is being taken advantage of. My children are 27 (son) and 23 soon to be 24 the end of the year (daughter) and I still do for them but they also do for me if I need something important.
    Cheveyo1

    Answer by Cheveyo1 at 10:17 AM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I have NEVER felt that I had to do everything my kids ask. My kids are 11, 15 and 24. I frequently remind my 11 year old that he is old enough to pour his own drink and make his own bed. I am not his slave. My 24 year old knows better than to ask me for money. For some reason she will ask my parents for money, but she doesn't ask me because she knows that when she choose to move out of our house she was expected to make it on her own. Now I don't have grandchildren yet, but I would not hesitate to babysit, just because I love little kids. At the same time if I had an appointment or a meeting or something set up and was asked to babysit I would simply say sorry I can't because... with NO GUILT. Guilt is a wasted emotion. Your job as a parent is to teach your kids to make it on their own. You don't exist to serve them. You need to start asking for more favors. You are all adults now.  They need to contribute.

    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 10:19 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I never would have started that trend. THE pinnacle of parenthood is teaching your children to do FOR THEMSELVES, because you won't always be here. You should not feel the need to bend to their every whim! And if you're doing all sorts of wonderful things for them out of the goodness of your heart and they are treating you with disrespect in return, well then you're only further teaching them that you accept disrespect, and guess what, they'll KEEP treating you that way. You will have no room to complain because you allow it. People can only do to you what you ALLOW them to do.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 7:54 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Good post BaisMom. :-)
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 8:20 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • . Guilt is a wasted emotion. Your job as a parent is to teach your kids to make it on their own. You don't exist to serve them. You need to start asking for more favors. You are all adults now. They need to contribute.


    Answer by LoveMyDog 10 hours a
    ***************************
    YES!!!!
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 8:21 PM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I am in touch with your emotion. My oldest son(22) only calls me when he needs me to answer a question or needs me to do something for him. When he comes home on leave, he expects me to be at his beck and call, and when I am not he whines. He has a wife and I have now just gotten rid of the guilt for not always doing for him. My other two sons (20 and 10) are still at home, the 20 year old is pretty good about doing what I ask, he works and goes to college full time. I think it is a mommy thing. When my children were born, I had 3 missions in life, 1-love them unconditionally, 2-protect them at all costs and 3-Do everything I can for them. They grow up and leave sooo fast.
    Bagofwind

    Answer by Bagofwind at 5:22 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • I have 4 children 18 to 28. The older 2 are boys and married. The younger son comes for dinner every Sunday night for dinner becasue they don't want to cook. I work 5 days a week also. I guess it is ok for me to do all the work. The older one doesn't live close and he calls alot.

    I have never felt like I have to do everything. We have learned to help our children different for there situations. The oldest has never been real good with money. So I would never co-sign a loan for him. The younger son has been very responsible and we did co-sign a loan he paid it off early and never had a problem.

    We treat them for who they are individuals. All 4 of them are different but in someways they are so much alike.
    crazymomof4787

    Answer by crazymomof4787 at 8:13 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

  • its ok to sometimes say no -they will get over it so dont feel too guilty 1 have 4 ages 22-27.they have to take some responsibility.the babysitting depends is it why they work or when they go out,do you have them more then the parents can they afford to pay
    slyvester

    Answer by slyvester at 8:51 PM on Oct. 9, 2010

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