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would you give this man a chance? adult content

separated for three months from husband. he's in AA, completed anger management, is getting two types of counselling (counselor and a psychiatrist, plus meds if needed) and is diagnosed with major depression, ptsd and panic disorder. He's also making a spiritual retreat called Emmaus Walk (which are good). i go to court shortly about domestic violence he did, was abusive and physical. i am asking he go for violence intervention assessment. we have a chidl together a baby girl under a year old... i work and have own place but times are so tough and tight. i have no family in this state. what would you do or have done? we used to have a very great passionate love and he turned away from me to his drinking. so sad. to have it come to this. he tries to send small message sthru his family. yet i am unsure. but i know/hear he doesnt liek what hes done. thanks.

 
silverelf

Asked by silverelf at 8:23 PM on Oct. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,114 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I would give it more time before you make that decision.
    He is still in recovery and needs to adjust to his new life and new way of dealing with things.

    Give it time, see how he progresses and take it from there.
    sassy_brizzy

    Answer by sassy_brizzy at 8:28 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • He is doing a lot about the situation. PTSD can cause people to act very differently than anyone would have thought possible. If you feel he can get better, then I say give him a chance to be better.
    silversmom

    Answer by silversmom at 8:31 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • yea i agree with sassy. i would worry about you and your baby. if this is meant to be try later and i mean like a few yrs later and see if you guys still have a spark and that he was able to stay clean for that long. i would give it like 2-3 yrs.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:32 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Wow. I agree with sassy_brizzy. I would definitely give it more time. 3 months is hardly long enough in recovery. I know from personal experience they suggest no relationships for at least a year in recovery. Maybe you could go to a support group for family members of Alcoholics, Ala-non or something similar. Any relationship with "problems" is that of both people. Ya'll can agree or disagree, but I feel strongly about that statment.
    awasmer828

    Answer by awasmer828 at 8:35 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • if i could spell, statement :)
    awasmer828

    Answer by awasmer828 at 8:35 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • ok look,u ask i answer,the truth is i have been threw something simular,an i have given my kids father chance after chance for just about 4 yrs on nd off relationship,i think if he realy is changeing nd doing good nd is willing to go to church with you nd keep it positive then do it,see what his close friends say ,the ones you know u can trust.if you realy love him nd can make it work then jump on itbut if u dont dont do it becaouse of ur baby that will be the biggest mistake..nd if not giving him another chance try to stay strong i also found myself alone with 2 kids no paying my bills..but i stayed pos for my boys,you are not alone,seek help from the state girl get all the help u can,nd ur not alone..good luck,let me know what happens.god bless u nd ur family
    ivette0423

    Answer by ivette0423 at 8:36 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Keep moving is my advice to you. I understand you have no family, but that is not a good enough excuse to stay with a man who is obviously troubled.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 8:40 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • thanks IVETTE!! thanks awasmer and sassy and everyone. RIGHT i am not going back now or anything, i will be on my own for a long time and justturned 40. so i dont want to waste time by getting in with him for the same crap. also, with abuse all experts and counselors i have talked to many: it does not take two to tango, it is not the victims fault ever. he was severely abused as a child and using violence is a learned choice these peopel use, plus intimidation and takign your things or breakign them. so i dont know this is a very sad and hard thing to go thru. i am very torn up about it but this is for my children. cant have that man around if hes goign to chase me and harrass and menace me or attack. he is a mess.
    silverelf

    Comment by silverelf (original poster) at 8:42 PM on Oct. 7, 2010