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I jus don't understand, wer're in a trap....

single Mom with three kids. My home is partially funded by a government agency, My kids are also, on CHIPS My ex husband has left the state and is not paying child support. The state says they cannot find him and I have not heard from him in over a year. I work full time and can pay all of the critical bills such as home pmt, elect, etc. NOW, I’m struggling to put food on the table. And of course all the little extra’s such as Cub Scouts, Soccer, etc. If I get another part time job to help cover expenses guess what, I have more income, more income means my house payment goes up and I could loose my kids CHIP insurance. So, I gain nothing. **Continued**


Asked by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Oct. 7, 2010 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I would go for govt assistance, you pay taxes right? You also didn't marry your ex knowing later he was gonna be a dead beat. I can't emagine you asked for this to happen to you and your kids like someone else suggested. Go ask for help, it's not like your sitting on your ass asking for handouts thats what it's for.

    Answer by anichols1 at 10:53 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • I know this is a duh but there's really only three choices here, either cut expenses or increase income, or do both.

    If you haven't done so already I would get on a written budget showing everything that is coming in. Then make a prioritized list of your expenses. Food comes first, don't pay the cable bill and not put food on the table. Once you have the money set aside for food, then pay rent, utilities, insurance, fuel and a car payment if applicable.

    Really look at your written budget and see if there is anything you can cut or cut back on.

    I would also recommend having a garage sale to help with cash flow for a little bit. Maybe sell a car and buy something cheaper to get rid of or reduce the car payments.

    Dave Ramsey's book, My Total Money Makeover could probably help you a lo. So could the Dave Ramsey Fans group on CM.

    Good luck. I hope things change for you soon. (Hugs)

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 11:29 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • Umm, but raising and financil responsabilty for these children has nothing to do with the father? Why should it be all on her shoulders at this point? She said Ex husband so she was married - so, I'm assuming this wasn't a one-night stand and she got pregnant. In marriage it's usually BOTH who agree to have children.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 11:20 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • ok sorry to say I agree with the other posters, you house payment going up sucks yes, but you do realize when the Government is helping you it is really everyone in the nation I am just saying, my biggest issue with this post is boy scouts etc. I know we all want to give our children everything, but those are unnecessary expenses, IMHO I do not believe that your daughters income will count against you, nor do I think it is right that your ex left you in a lurch unfortunately you have to make the best of the hand you are dealt. SO go get the extra job, pay your bills, and show your children that you are proud enough to do the right thing and not live off the government. Show them how to over come the odds, show them how to never be defeated never let them see you resign your self to someone elses help.

    Answer by MrsWeathers at 10:52 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • My 17 yr daughter wants to get a part time job after school to help pay for drivers end, secondary school and maybe buy herself a used car. OH BUT, if she gets a job - Guess What - that’s also, more income. WHAT DO I DO? It just ticks me off that this same government that makes these rules also says, Oh, we have not real way of tracking dead beat parents. Why can’t employers be required to check into this upon hiring someone? They do criminal background check and personal references.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 10:59 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I have the same issues, but, it is me and only one 14y/o. I barely afford everything. I get $100/month in food stamps. My bank acct this month went to (-$243.00)...So, I get it. My son's dad has never seen him or paid anything.


    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:02 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I thought that because your DD is under 18 her job would not be considerd income because she is not old enough to be on a contract to make payments. I would look into that a little more. Im sorry you are in this position...Hope things get better for you and your family.

    Answer by Shelii at 11:03 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • I'm assuming you're not eligible for food stamps. If your 17 year old gets a job you MIGHT be able to get away with not counting her income- if she doesn't make over a certain amount, or she's still a full time student. I understand your situation. I have one child with a dead beat ex, who pays his $50 a month child support whenever he feels like it. The best thing to do is check the white pages online, and possibly even pay for a background/ locator service.

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 11:04 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • ((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry hon, you're right but what can you do? :(

    Answer by DreainCO at 11:05 PM on Oct. 7, 2010

  • i no this isn right, but could you or your daugther get a job off the books, so the government don't know that you or her have a extra job or job. people do it. if it means suviving.

    Answer by otoole at 1:46 AM on Oct. 8, 2010