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Mommy guilt and being a SAHM

I have been negative lately. Normally I am a pretty cheerful person and happy. I think I have just been getting bogged down with stress. I am happy though with most things. I am financially sound and do not have any worries about money or my husband's job (I am a SAHM) My husband is great, and my one yr old is wonderful and not very fussy. The thing is, I have been so negative and I think I resent my husband for working all day and I am home all day with the baby. In my head I am grateful for being able to stay home all day with my daughter, but I am very nervous all the time and very much a worry wart. I feel very guilty about feeling this way. I feel very blessed to have my family and the postition we are in. I just feel like I am missing my own life. That sounds so selfish now that I type it. Does anyone else feel this way?

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Sillybillymel

Asked by Sillybillymel at 12:30 AM on Oct. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 10 (394 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I was going to say "are you bragging or complaining" but it seems to be a bit of both. Maybe you should seek professional counseling to rid yourself of the guilt of not having to work for a living or having any financial problems. Perhaps a hobby, maybe volunteer somewhere - helping others will always make you feel better and worthwhile!
    Iluvautumn

    Answer by Iluvautumn at 12:40 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • It sounds like you need to take some time for YOU. DO you have any friends in your area?
    From my experience, when you are a SAHM, you focus your whole life on your baby. And their is nothing wrong with that. But when you are "___'s mommy" 24/7, you forget who you are. Just you. Not the mommy. Do something for yourself, something you love that you havent done since your baby came along. If you have friends close by, go out. Go somewhere you used to go. Get back in touch with you. Have a baby-free night. My SO works fulltime and I am a SAHM. And I see my friends at least once a week. Whether it is going to lunch with them and my DD, or having my SO watch her so I can go out with my girls, it helps me stay positive. And your SO wont mind watching your baby one night, would he?
    Have some fun for yourself and I guarantee you will feel so much better :)
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 12:42 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • its not selfish. ive been home with my son all day for his whole life, hes 16 months. i havent worked, but ive been in college. im still in college and am taking a civil service exam on the 16th to hopefully get a full time job because i love being with him, but at the same time, i need other parts to my life. i need to be other things too, not just a mom. i feel like ive lost any other sense of identiy being a stay at home mom & i miss just having a reason to get up in the morning & get out of the house. plus, i think hes old enough now to where he would like having some playtime with other kids. you should think about atleast getting a part time job or joining a gym that has a daycare, or haveing a girls night... stuff like that.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 12:42 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Well,,lets see if I can help out here. I worked FT,,,with both my kids. I missed everything, I missed all the fun stuff,,all the cute stuff. I felt how you feel every single day of my life, going into work. I just missed my kids sooo bad,,all day. I felt just like you did, I felt guilty, I felt nervous, I felt like a big worry wart, most of all, I just felt really sad all the time, cause I wasnt with my babies. That life you are talking about, that you are missing,,,,is ten fold when you work. That is the best of life, being with your kids and raising them. Believe it or not, I used to turn the video camera on, when I was home with my kids, and tape them. Cause I knew thats all I was going to get. My kids are 18 and 16 now. I still have the same job. Time goes by so dang fast hon, dont feel guilty about spending time with your little one, this is how its supposed to be for us. I hope this helped some,,
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 12:48 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • Thanks so much for your comments. We live away from our family as my husband is in the military, but we do have friends and I do volunteer. Sorry I didnt mean to brag, I just wanted to explain I guess that I dont have major stressors like financial problems or marital problems. My husband will watch the baby. I just feel guilty if I am away from her. I have only left her with someone else 3 times. And of those times, one was to go to the store for 30 minutes, one was to pick up food for a volunteer event, and was for an hour, and once for a date with my husband and we went to dinner and a movie and was gone for 3 hours. I guess I am having a problem accepting it isnt selfish to have time to my self without the baby. That is hard for me, as my husband is gone alot for work, I am her main provider, and know her the best. IDK. I am rambling sorry.
    Sillybillymel

    Comment by Sillybillymel (original poster) at 12:51 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

  • aww, hope the ladies helped you feel beter. i think you rnormal to worry, i am pregnant with my first and at home now, while my husband works all the time, i feel guilty now, cos i can't help pay for the bills and be able to take himout for a treat, he so good to me. and sometimes i feel bad for getting mad at him for things cos he does work alot and he has to deal with the stress of bills and this baby to come, but this is wat he wants, so i have to let him be the man and me be his queen lol. as they say 'its always greener on the other side. just try to relax and have me time and tine for just you and him and then family day.
    otoole

    Answer by otoole at 1:34 AM on Oct. 8, 2010

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